Articles Tagged with: young women
What You Need To Know About Jesus’ Life Of Sacrifice

Pressure.

I have been feeling a lot of pressure for the last few weeks due to organizing our cross country tour and a huge concert as well as working to meet some of my major business deadlines for this year. All of those demands, including the daily pressures of being a wife, mom and coach to many created the perfect storm this month.

Last week especially, I began to complain inwardly about how much I was sacrificing while doing the things God had called me to do. I was careful not to speak about it much, but my mind was having a field day reminding myself of how much was “on my plate” and all the other things I would like to do with my time –

Like sit on the beach, legs crossed, listening to worship music and reading one of my favourite books on the planet although that book would probably have my face in the sand praying and crying out for the city that beach is in ;)

I allowed myself to become overwhelmed, became sluggish about my output and gave in to lies that had been playing themselves over in my mind. Lies about my inability to finish all that was left for me to do, on time.

But God!

I would’ve continued down this path and wasted the entire month working with a sour heart if it wasn’t for God’s graaaace and mercy!

I was in a prayer meeting at church this week where my Pastor spoke on the values of godly leadership and Jesus began to rock and challenge me with the example of His life and leadership.

He reminded me that pressure and sacrifice are necessary parts in fulfilling destiny and also, that He sacrificed more through His life than I could ever try to match. 

Pressure and sacrifice are necessary parts in fulfilling your destiny. Don’t run away from the pressure, embrace it. Learn to thrive!Click To Tweet

What He said during that time was more than one blog can handle so I will share it in three parts.

Today, we are going to talk about what you need to know about Jesus’ life of sacrifice and in parts two and three, I will share with you “The Necessity of Sacrifice In Fulfilling Your Destiny”.

Now I know many of you want to hear about the necessity of sacrifice in fulfilling your destiny (which will explain how this relates to you). However, you will not be able to receive what I will say there without the foundation that is being laid in this blog, so read on, and pay attention.

 

Jesus' sacrifice

God values sacrifice.

How can I make that statement? When God wanted to show us the express image of Himself, what He would do and look like on the earth, He showed us His son Jesus Christ.

One of the distinguishing factors of Jesus’ life was His willingness to sacrifice – over and over and over again. This is exactly where Abba began to deal with me and where we will start today.

Jesus Christ made more sacrifices
than our minds can even understand.
He didn’t just talk the talk, He walked it.

Jesus’ Sacrifice in – Incarnation

It all began when He chose to leave His rights and privileges as Deity. The second part of the Trinity. The son of God, glorious in holiness and fearful in praises.

He became a man and laid aside the fullness of His glory to wear this frail, broken finite skin.

Think about the glory of Jesus when John saw him in the first chapter of Revelation. Or the time when Peter, James and John saw Him transfigured on the mountain.

Both times, they were so overwhelmed by the Jesus they saw, they fell to the ground. That was a tiny glimpse of the glory He chose to lay aside for the sake of the work He had to do on earth.

Jesus’ Sacrifice in – How He lived

During his life, He made it very clear that He did nothing for Himself. Instead, He lived in such a way that God would get the maximum glory through His life.

…”My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work”…

And then

…”the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner”…

Let’s look at one day in the life of Christ to understand just how much He gave of Himself.

In Mark 1, He began His ministry in Galilee, and after preaching, He had to choose disciples – think of this as the administrative part of ministry work ;-). Then they went to the synagogue.

There, He immediately entered the task of teaching the scripture to the people who  were present. That alone was so powerful that all the people who were in the house were shocked by His authority.

While teaching, someone who was oppressed by an unclean spirit spoke up. So He did what you would imagine, He set him free from that spirit, and kept on teaching. No biggie.

After that, he visited Peter’s house and before Peter’s mother-in-law could serve them, He healed her of a fever that had her on a sick bed.

“That evening, they brought to Him ALL who were sick and those who were demon possessed. And the whole city was gathered together at the door. Then He healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons.” [Emphasis added]

Hm. Ok, let’s picture this scene guys. This wasn’t a placid crowd of observers casually stopping by to greet a new visitor in their town.

They were hungry, broken, sick, desperate and demanded His time. They needed healing and the more He healed the more they grew in numbers, the hungrier they became and the more they required of Him.

And still He gave.

He poured out everything He had and more. Not one complaint, not one murmur.

He had the most dejected members of the city rammed at his doorstep begging to have an opportunity to see/touch/hear the one who could (and still can) heal any disease.

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed. And Simon and those who were with Him searched for Him. When they found Him, they said to Him, “Everyone is looking for You.” [Emphasis added]

You would imagine that the crowd at that house kept him up until pretty late in the night, yet he made the sacrifice to wake up early and seek God, speak to His Father and see what He had planned for them for the next day.

But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.” And He was preaching in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and casting out demons.

Now imagine, just as things were getting hot. Just as He was becoming the latest craze, He left.

He wasn’t there for fame. He shunned the honour of men, the flattery “everyone is looking for you” fell on ears that were already in tune with God’s voice over men’s opinions.

He sacrificed the tempting flattery of being needed to obey God’s call and go where He was sending Him.

And this picture of His day wasn’t a one-off occasion. It was what He did. Peter later said this of Him,

what you need to know about jesus sacrifice

Jesus’ Sacrifice in – His Death

And as if all that is not enough, He didn’t just live a sacrificial life because of love, He died a sacrificial death. 

Until today, the death of Jesus Christ is still the most powerful portrayal of an ultimate sacrifice. What a person is willing to do for the sake of those He loves- God the Father and us sinners.

So let’s take a peek into His sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Matthew 26:36-41

Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.”

And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”

He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.” And He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy.

So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. Then He came to His disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting?

Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.” [Emphasis added]

You have to understand-

Jesus is fully God, but He is also fully human. Even in His perfect human nature, he struggled with accepting the separation from God, torture and shame that was waiting for Him at the cross.

He was about to drink the cup of God’s wrath for all of humanity and it was not a trivial thing.

When He prayed “Let this cup pass from me,” He was in a battle with His flesh over its desire for self-preservation and comfort. The struggle was real:

Jesus was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death”. In Luke’s version he noted that Jesus was sweating blood- which is a sign of extreme agony .

Jesus Christ knew the sacrifice He was about to make. 

And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. Mark 8:31

It was going to be more than physical; it would be spiritual and emotional.

Jesus knew that God’s will was to crush Him, to allow Him to be “pierced for our transgressions” and wounded for our healing (Isaiah 53:5–10).

Yes Jesus loved God enough to want this, He loved YOU enough to do this.

At another time, He said –

“Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.

Then a voice came from heaven, saying, “I have both glorified it and will glorify it again.” John 12:27-28 [Emphasis added]

Can you imagine that?!

Jesus knew that dying on the cross was the purpose for His coming to this earth and when it was time, He did it. He fulfilled His purpose.Click To Tweet

When He prayed, He said, “If it is possible.” If there was any other way to redeem mankind, He wanted to take that other way. But we can see that there was no other way;

His death was the only possible sacrifice to redeem the world (John 1:29; Acts 4:12; Hebrews 10:14; Revelation 5:9).

Also He prayed, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Which shows us that in the midst of His sacrifice, once again, it was about the will of God. He was completely committed to God – body, mind, and soul.

In Gethsemane, Jesus conquered His flesh. He made the ultimate sacrifice anyone can ever make. He gave His life for the sake of others. He demonstrated what love really looks like.

He lived and died for the sake of love.
And He calls us to do the same.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.

John 15:12-14

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?

In the midst of such a heart-wrenching time of commitment for Christ. A time where He chose to follow God’s path even when it killed Him. He went back to his closest friends – Peter, James and John and found them unable to stay awake for one hour to pray with him.

They weren’t just lazy. When Luke described that moment, he said that they were “sleeping from sorrow”. That means they had wept themselves tired.

Yet, He could not find them waiting and pressing through the pressure with Him.

And the same thing is happening all over the body of Christ today.

Click here to read the next blog in this series, where we talk about the necessity of sacrifice for you to fulfill your destiny and what Jesus’ example means for us.

 

Let’s Talk

What stood out to you from the first part of this series?
Why does Jesus’ sacrifice mean something to you?
What would you add to this discussion about the sacrifices that Jesus made on our behalf?


Why Most New Year’s Resolutions Fail (and what you can do to come out smiling!)

I just got back from my week long End of Year Retreat and since my return to the real world, I’ve been asked this a couple of times – What are your resolutions for 2017? It makes perfect sense to set these resolutions, after all, it’s the beginning of a new year. Perfect time to turn a new page, start a new chapter, be a new you! Yes? Not quite.

The guys at Statistic Brain Research Institute state that over 40% of people who start New Year’s Resolutions, fail. While only 9% feel they are actually successful in achieving their resolution each year. NINE PERCENT>> Yikes!

I’m about to share with you the four (and a half) biggest mistakes people make when setting their New Year’s Resolutions – which causes them to fail. As well as exactly what you need to do to one-up these mistakes and ensure you are living your highest potential with each new year.

After all, we’ve only got a few years on this planet. Let’s live them well. Read on!

Why most new year's resolutions fail, and what you can do to come out smiling!

1. Resolution Overload!

I’ll start with one of the biggest mistakes people make when setting new year’s resolutions. Making too many of them! It’s as though we sometimes think we have become super human or worse- god-like and can do absolutely everything at the same time. You cannot! You have to be aware of your finite nature, your finite brain, body and energy and let yourself off that hook.

God is omnipresent (everywhere at once). You’re not. He is omniscient (all-knowing). Once again, you aren’t. He can and is doing more each second than you can even imagine, but you can only do a certain number of focused tasks -successfully- at a time.

Yet we want to have our cake, plus 5 other ones in hand and eat them all too. So we make a New Years resolution list that looks like this –

  1. Grow business by 50%
  2. Start healthy lifestyle- exercise 3x a week
  3. Come out of $20,000 debt
  4. Apply for a Master’s Program
  5. Get a promotion at work
  6. Spend more time with family

AND

7. Learn how to drive stick

It feels great to have a list like this. Feels like you’re about to conquer the world. Like you are going to KILL this year and finally start living the perfect life you have envisioned from way too long ago.

Yet 3 weeks in, you feel completely overwhelmed, unsure of where to start, what to focus on and are completely stressed out and tired from trying to do it all. As they say you’re burning the rope from EVERY end.

new year's resolutions fail

Wisdom Key

Instead of making a list with an undetermined number of goals for the year, limit yourself to 3 top things you want to see changed this year. You can have a side wish list with absolutely everything you want.

After you have accomplished one of the three, then include the next one from your wish list, but do not add to your plate until you have fleshed out each new habit or completed one task. Until you have begun to live out one of your lifestyle changes effortlessly. Capishe? Capishe.

2. You Put Matter Over Mind (Get it? Mind over matter? lolol)

Instead of focusing on how to change the way you think, you focus on changing external habits alone. Forgetting that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So you grit your teeth, squeeze your eyes, wrinkle your forehead, cross your fingers – toes – eyes – trying to become someone you are not inside.

Trying to change the externals, when you haven’t dealt with the necessary mind patterns that dictate the daily decisions you are making.

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 #livewell #wisdomClick To Tweet

This can actually prove to be very detrimental to you. If you push your body to adjust to a reality that your mind has not accepted, you end up sabotaging yourself in that endeavour. Then, your past or present failure within that task becomes a greater burden to overcome as you try the next time to accomplish it (or other tasks).

For example, you can make a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight or start going to the gym, but  ignore targeting your mind. Changing the way you view your body, the way you understand healthy living, the way you view food (comfort, stress relief etc)… starting to get my point?

Your resolution is much bigger than the final product. It’s about what thought patterns have led you to where you are now, and what you are changing about it, to ensure your entire being is headed in the direction you think it is or want it to.

2b. There is no Carrot on the Stick!

When you address the mind behind your new year’s resolution, you must also address the why. You have to know the deep, root reason you have that item on your list.

WHAT IS YO’ CARROT?!

Too many people think their minds will be satisfied with simply losing weight. Uhhh, no. Your inner being needs to begin to understand what losing weight will do for your entire life. The inner you is crying out to know why you have been subjecting yourself to these past 2 weeks of grueling gym time.

Is it to have more energy to run around with your nieces and nephews?
Or because your family has had a history of diabetes and that is the last thing you need in life?
Is it because you love your hubby and want to look your best for him?

Why do you want to lose weight?

If you do not know why, you will, not might, will fail at it. Because once the first challenge smacks you on the behind, it will become too inconvenient to continue.

Wisdom Key

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Philippians 4:8

As you make your top 3 resolutions (or goals as I call them), begin to ask yourself these questions-

What brought me to this point (financially, health wise, in my relationships etc)?
What do I have to change internally to make sure that if I hit this goal, I do not default back to where I am now or worse?
Why do I want to change this?
Where do I envision myself related to this matter?
Why?
Is this matter holding me back in other areas of my life?
What thought patterns can I begin to implement to change the way I think about this entire topic?

When you have limited the number of resolutions or goals you are focusing on, answered these questions, you can then move forward to the third reason most New Year’s Resolutions.

3. They make wishes and not goals.

Ooooh this one is a kicker. It deserves to be numero UNO because so.many.people.DO IT! They treat New Year’s Resolutions like wishes! Like letters to the tooth fairy that you can simply write, place under your pillow (or on the altar at church with your offering stuffed in it), do absolutely nothing and still see a magical turnaround by the end of the year. 

Half way through, they realize they haven’t gotten as far as they had hoped, figure the wish simply wasn’t granted and “move on” carrying the baggage of despondency, discouragement and hope deferred.

Wisdom Key

Make for gosh-darn sure your New Year’s goals are actionable. Please.

There is so much to say on this, but that is a blog post all it’s own. Until that blog post is created, click here to get on the waiting list for my FREE goal setting (and accomplishing) email course or schedule a one-on-one Purpose Call where we can see whether I am the right fit to help coach you into living at your life’s highest potential.

The last reason I believe many people fail at their New Year’s Resolutions is
*Drum roll please*

4. Because they take themselves WAY too seriously.

I’ve seen way way WAY :) too many people give up and beat themselves up when things don’t work out they way they envisioned. Instead of getting back up, dusting themselves off and getting back in the race. Nike said “Just Do It”, I say “Keep on doing it”. Keep on doing it even after you’ve “failed” in men’s eyes or by your own standards.

For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again,
But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.
Proverbs 24:16

That’s so good I’ll say it again-

For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again,
But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.
Proverbs 24:16

You choose what camp you’re in. Get back up after you’ve fallen. Laugh at your own mistakes. Myself and my husband say the exact same thing after tiny inconsequential mistakes and huge “it’s gonna take us a few months to recover from this one” mistakes – “You live and you learn”. We laugh, encourage each other and keep it moving.

If you’ve made the mistake today, at least you are much less likely to make that mistake again tomorrow. So laugh it off, forgive yourself and move on!

Ya hurd?

Alright! Now ask yourself the following questions as you set (or reset) your New Year’s Resolution for 2017.

  1. Is it concise. Limited. Finite. Like I am?
  2. What part of my thinking led me here and how can I change it?
  3. WHAT IS MY CARROT?
  4. What is my goal? Is it actionable? Is it SMART?
  5. Have I allowed me past failures to sap my joy and drive? How can I begin to forgive myself and enjoy life – mistakes included?

new year's resolutions fail

Your friends and family also have goals, resolutions and want to achieve their BEST this year so make sure to share this blog with them and give them tools to getting ’em done! 

If you have been battling with the same New Year’s Resolutions for years and have yet to see yours (or God’s) dreams come to life, you might need a life coach! Click here to book a Purpose Call, and see whether I am the right fit to help you begin to live at your life’s highest potential. 

Until next time, live well, live wisely
Toyin


Let’s Talk!

What are YOUR New Year’s Resolutions (or goals as I call mine)?
A few of mine are learn to cook 3 more Nigerian dishes -one of my highlights from last year,
Be a LOT more flexible about everything around me -I’m expecting TONS of change this year,
And fearlessly do what God is telling me to do- nothing more, nothing less. (this is a much more specific list I’m just pleading the 5th on the deets ;)


5 Ways To Know If He’s “THE ONE” (Part 2)

 

Hey ladies, welcome to our Part 2, continuation of our previous blog. We are discussing 3 more questions you must ask yourself to determine if this Chris (our hypothetical suitor) is “the one”. If you haven’t read the first blog check it and then return for the final 3 points you must consider!

5 ways to know he's the one part 2

  1. Who Do Men Say That He Is?

What do his family or friends say about him? Better yet, what does your family or what do your friends think about him. This question doesn’t rank as high as “Is he a Christian? Really?” or “Do you like him?”, yet it definitely needs to be taken into consideration.

There are many troubles you can avoid if you simply listen to the counsel of people you trust and love. Family and friends are good for highlighting certain things about a guy that you can’t see yourself. Like it or not, being blinded by “love” or “infatuation” is real. If everyone around you is cautioning you to step back for legitimate reasons (not just “I just don’t like him”).

“In the multitude of counsel, there is safety”.

They could be telling you “he doesn’t treat you well”. Or “you don’t seem happy when you’re with him”. Or you notice that there is a whole lot of drama around him (you are never sure if you’re the only one he is pursuing) etc. If this is the case, take time to pray and think about the decision you are about to make. There is a proverb that says “in the multitude of counsel, there is safety”. And “in the mouth of two or three witnesses a thing is established”. Listen to those around you, use your safety net.

Also, when you are in the middle of this decision process, talk to a mature believer about it. If they know both of you, that’s even better. Ask them for counsel on the matter and take their counsel into consideration.

5 ways to know he's the one short checklist

  1. Have you prayed about it?

When we ask about prayer, we do not mean that you need to have 8 dreams and see 2 visions. Along with an angelic visitation assuring you that “This Chris, is your gift from the Most High God”. These type of confirmations are good, but not necessary in order to know if he is God’s will.

The question here is, have you brought this decision before the Lord in prayer? Have you said “Abba, this is the person that I’m considering getting married to, tell me anything you have to say about it”. And then just listened to what the Lord has to say?

It may not be an audible voice speaking, but if you listen closely, God begins to highlight different things. Ways He’s led you to that point (showing you His hand in the matter). Character traits about that person that you overlooked and wouldn’t be able to live with. Or He may simply give you a still small “yes”. Or an uncomfortable feeling when you try to think about your future together with that person. The way God speaks differs for each person, but as you build your relationship with Him, you will recognize how He speaks to you.

Now, here’s the catch.

It gets very hard to hear what God is saying about Chris if you have already thrown your heart into the relationship before you prayed about it. So take a step back. If you are already in relationship with him, spend a few days alone. Yes, I mean without talking to him, maybe a couple of weeks. Just to hear what God is saying. If it’s God’s will, you will be able to go forward with full confidence. If it isn’t God’s will that you are together, you are both better off not pursuing that relationship.

When a marriage is built on a foundation that you both prayed about it individually and got a go ahead from your heavenly Father, you are much more confident addressing the storms that will come your way during the marriage. You are able to go back to God in prayer when you face challenges and say – “God, You brought us here, help us!” But if you go in completely unsure if it is God’s will for you to be there, even small challenges will trip you up. The tiniest storm will bring you back to the point of – am I supposed to be here at all? Was this God’s will?

God knows the future of yourself and this “Chris” much better than you do so trust Him with this decision, trust His leadership. Listen without any pre-set desires and you will hear His voice.

This is not a point to be over spiritualized and neither is it meant to be downplayed. It is critical that you pray before you make this decision. It is a decision that will affect the rest of your life so don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t matter.

Pin this checklist to keep all 5 points in your back pocket for when you need it or share it with your single friends!

5 ways to know he's the one short checklist

  1. Does he want to marry you?

This is one of those points that may seem completely ridiculous to have on the list, but time and time again women pray and fast asking God whether or not their “Chris” is “the one”… and he hasn’t yet clearly approached them and laid out his intentions relating to marriage or anything serious.

Sister, he may be super nice to you every time he sees you or maybe he always goes out of his way to treat you specially. He calls you a nickname no one else does, or cracks jokes with you for days. It does not mean he is pursuing you. A lot of the time guys are just being nice Christian men and get in trouble for being that! Yes I could write a blog post to them about being clear about their intentions and cooling it when they are not pursuing, but this blog is for you, not them.

If Chris hasn’t come to you articulating what he wants. If he is too immature – sorry, afraid to say it clearly. Or he hasn’t yet made up his mind enough to say- “I like you”, or “I love you” or “I’d like to go somewhere with this” or “I can see us having a future together, please pray into this” or “what do you think of having a relationship with me” you get the gist. There’s no need for you to be worrying your mind praying and stressing your girlfriends and they mama’s about whether or not he is the right guy for you!

You be mature about it!

If you’re unclear because Chris has been making moves that make it seem like he is interested, but he hasn’t had any clear conversations with you, you can be mature about it. Ask him to speak in a semi-private or private setting. Then you can say something like “hey, just wanted to check in if there is something happening here? I’ve been noticing ____”. Or “Is there something going on that I don’t know of?”

Once you put it on the table, you will get a clear response from him of “yes” or “no”. If he says anything that is confusing and muddled, it’s a no. A man who is ready to pursue a relationship with a lady does not need her to explain that to him.

He may say “yes, I am interested but I would like to take things slowly”. Or “I am interested but didn’t know how to say so” or something else explaining why he wasn’t clear in the first place, and that’s fine. You can go back and start praying and following the earlier steps mentioned. But if Chris says “oh no, I didn’t mean it that way”, at least you’re not stressing trying to figure out whether or not he likes you!

A man who is ready to pursue a relationship with a lady does not need her to explain that to him.Click To Tweet

I’ve seen many ladies resolve confusing, time wasting situations by applying this one tip and having a conversation to clear things up. Some of them are now in relationship with, or married to those men and for others, the guys apologized for leading them on falsely. Be encouraged, even they have moved on and forgotten about the whole episode of crushing on the guy or thinking he was crushing on them.

It’s simple. It’s necessary. Stop playing high school games and doing guess work with your mind and time, just talk to the guy.

That’s all for this week ladies! I pray your process toward marriage honors and glorifies God and brings both you and your “Chris” great joy. Pin this abridged checklist so that you can remember our 5 points when it matters!

5 ways to know he's the one checklist

xoxo
Toyin C

Let’s Talk!

What are some other necessary questions for a young woman to ask before she gets into a serious relationship?
What are some non-negotiables for you personally?
Which of these points would be the hardest to consider?
Let me know in your comments!


5 Ways To Know He Is “The One”. (Part 1)

Ok, so this guy – let’s call him “Chris” seems to be pursuing you or has made it clear he would like to get in a relationship. After investing all this time growing close to Jesus, getting used to your singleness and beginning to thrive in it. Or maybe getting a bit tired of being single because everyone around you is getting married, it’s a welcome change. Chris has been making a good case for himself (as they always do) and now it begins.

That -sometimes- agonizing process of prayer and seeking for God’s perfect will for your life.
Is he the one you are to spend the rest of you life with? How do you know?
What questions should you ask?
Which character traits give him brownie points and which should be completely overlooked?
What if you’re not physically attracted to him, but you do think he’s a good Christian?
What if he bores you in conversation but he’s one of the hottest guys you’ve met?
How do you know if he’s “the one”?!

5 ways to know he's the one

Here 5 simple questions to ask yourself about the person you are considering getting married to-

1.        IS HE CHRISTIAN? REALLY?

This is the beginning point for any godly woman considering marriage. It’s the very first question you need to ask yourself (and him if you don’t know him from adam). “Christian” is a very loosely defined word in our culture as you probably know a few folks who call themselves Christian but hate the principles in the Word of God, don’t care too much to follow in the character of Christ, or purposely embrace a sinful lifestyle.

Finding out if he is “Christian” is not a check to see if he simply goes to church, lifts his hand up real high, knows how to pray in public or shouts hallelujah the loudest. It is someone who genuinely loves the Lord Jesus Christ, whose life has come under submission to the word of God and it is evident in his character and lifestyle choices.

A CHRISTIAN IS SOMEONE WHOSE LIFE HAS COME UNDER SUBMISSION TO THE WORD OF GOD AND IT IS EVIDENT IN HIS CHARACTER AND LIFESTYLE CHOICES.

Someone who is living with God’s glory in mind, he may not be perfect but you can see that the priority in his life is to become more and more like… Christ. Go figure. Christ-ian. This point has to be clarified because there a lot of men who are in the church looking for a godly “demure” (as they think equals godliness) woman to get in a relationship and do with as they please.

5 ways to know he's the one short checklist

Why Does This Matter?

Sister, you cannot afford to be in covenant with someone who is not in covenant with God. It is danger beyond your imagination. It doesn’t matter how sweet his words are, how cute he is, how loving his family is, or even how much he professes to love you. One day that love for you will not suffice anymore to sustain your relationship.

How do you know if he is a real Christian?

Listen to his conversation – with you and others. Out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth will speak. If you only ever hear him talking about money, sports, politics, work, jokes and his Jesus- centered conversation is reserved to only within bible study meetings, take note.

Also check to see- How does he make decisions? How does he conduct himself outside of the church? What type of jokes does he tell? Make sure that his life has come under submission to the word of God even if it isn’t perfect, that He loves Jesus and has truly made Him the Lord and Saviour of his life.

THE SECOND QUESTION YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF.

So! Let’s say Chris is Christian, loves Jesus and serves Him with his life. Amazing!

He goes so deep in worship you have to dig him out in order to have conversation. Great!

In fact this Chris can preach fire down from heaven when called to do so, impromptu. Terrific!

Another question you have to ask yourself if you’re considering getting married to him is this-

2.       DO YOU LIKE HIM?

Guess what? At the end of the day you’re not going to be married to Chris’ anointing. You are going to be married to him as a person. A friend of mine used to say – “the anointing is attractive” because we would notice that anytime I would share a “fire” word in our university bible study group there’d be one or two guys calling my phone around 12a.m. while I was speaking with her.

So the additional question here is do you like him? Do you like his character? Do you get along with him? Too many people are praying to marry a guy that you actually do not get along with. You aren’t going to live in the church! The glory cloud isn’t going to cover you in 100,000 hours of time with the hubby. Marriage is a long long time, make sure you are with someone you can actually talk to.

What If He’s Really… Really Cute?!

Also, it doesn’t matter if he’s the most physically attractive person you’ve ever met. Physical attraction isn’t going to keep you in a marriage. People change, bodies change. Make sure it’s someone who makes you smile, someone who shows you love, who you makes you laugh, makes you think.

Physical attraction isn't going to keep you in a marriage. People change, bodies change. Look deeper!Click To Tweet

If in your dating time you’ve found that you can’t stand being around him for too long, don’t marry the dude! It seems silly and obvious to mention but too many times, I see ladies who stay within a relationship they are really not interested in because they want to be nice. The nicest thing you can do for that guy is allow him to be with someone who will appreciate him the way he is while you wait for the right person to approach you. 

is he the one checklist

What About While We Get To Know Each Other?

Finally, this is not in reference to that -sometimes- awkward stage of getting to know one another if you weren’t friends for some time before dating. This is when you’ve gotten to know each other and find you still have nothing to say. You know it’s not the cute romantic fuzzy feels, “your mind is blank because your heart is pounding so hard” stuff. You simply have nothing to talk about or do not care about enough of the same things to meet in the middle. Marriage is not a sentence or a punishment, think that through before going ahead with a “yes!“.

See 5 Ways To Know He Is The One (Part 2) for the rest of this post!