Category: Blog
5 Ways To Know If He’s “THE ONE” (Part 2)

 

Hey ladies, welcome to our Part 2, continuation of our previous blog. We are discussing 3 more questions you must ask yourself to determine if this Chris (our hypothetical suitor) is “the one”. If you haven’t read the first blog check it and then return for the final 3 points you must consider!

5 ways to know he's the one part 2

  1. Who Do Men Say That He Is?

What do his family or friends say about him? Better yet, what does your family or what do your friends think about him. This question doesn’t rank as high as “Is he a Christian? Really?” or “Do you like him?”, yet it definitely needs to be taken into consideration.

There are many troubles you can avoid if you simply listen to the counsel of people you trust and love. Family and friends are good for highlighting certain things about a guy that you can’t see yourself. Like it or not, being blinded by “love” or “infatuation” is real. If everyone around you is cautioning you to step back for legitimate reasons (not just “I just don’t like him”).

“In the multitude of counsel, there is safety”.

They could be telling you “he doesn’t treat you well”. Or “you don’t seem happy when you’re with him”. Or you notice that there is a whole lot of drama around him (you are never sure if you’re the only one he is pursuing) etc. If this is the case, take time to pray and think about the decision you are about to make. There is a proverb that says “in the multitude of counsel, there is safety”. And “in the mouth of two or three witnesses a thing is established”. Listen to those around you, use your safety net.

Also, when you are in the middle of this decision process, talk to a mature believer about it. If they know both of you, that’s even better. Ask them for counsel on the matter and take their counsel into consideration.

5 ways to know he's the one short checklist

  1. Have you prayed about it?

When we ask about prayer, we do not mean that you need to have 8 dreams and see 2 visions. Along with an angelic visitation assuring you that “This Chris, is your gift from the Most High God”. These type of confirmations are good, but not necessary in order to know if he is God’s will.

The question here is, have you brought this decision before the Lord in prayer? Have you said “Abba, this is the person that I’m considering getting married to, tell me anything you have to say about it”. And then just listened to what the Lord has to say?

It may not be an audible voice speaking, but if you listen closely, God begins to highlight different things. Ways He’s led you to that point (showing you His hand in the matter). Character traits about that person that you overlooked and wouldn’t be able to live with. Or He may simply give you a still small “yes”. Or an uncomfortable feeling when you try to think about your future together with that person. The way God speaks differs for each person, but as you build your relationship with Him, you will recognize how He speaks to you.

Now, here’s the catch.

It gets very hard to hear what God is saying about Chris if you have already thrown your heart into the relationship before you prayed about it. So take a step back. If you are already in relationship with him, spend a few days alone. Yes, I mean without talking to him, maybe a couple of weeks. Just to hear what God is saying. If it’s God’s will, you will be able to go forward with full confidence. If it isn’t God’s will that you are together, you are both better off not pursuing that relationship.

When a marriage is built on a foundation that you both prayed about it individually and got a go ahead from your heavenly Father, you are much more confident addressing the storms that will come your way during the marriage. You are able to go back to God in prayer when you face challenges and say – “God, You brought us here, help us!” But if you go in completely unsure if it is God’s will for you to be there, even small challenges will trip you up. The tiniest storm will bring you back to the point of – am I supposed to be here at all? Was this God’s will?

God knows the future of yourself and this “Chris” much better than you do so trust Him with this decision, trust His leadership. Listen without any pre-set desires and you will hear His voice.

This is not a point to be over spiritualized and neither is it meant to be downplayed. It is critical that you pray before you make this decision. It is a decision that will affect the rest of your life so don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t matter.

Pin this checklist to keep all 5 points in your back pocket for when you need it or share it with your single friends!

5 ways to know he's the one short checklist

  1. Does he want to marry you?

This is one of those points that may seem completely ridiculous to have on the list, but time and time again women pray and fast asking God whether or not their “Chris” is “the one”… and he hasn’t yet clearly approached them and laid out his intentions relating to marriage or anything serious.

Sister, he may be super nice to you every time he sees you or maybe he always goes out of his way to treat you specially. He calls you a nickname no one else does, or cracks jokes with you for days. It does not mean he is pursuing you. A lot of the time guys are just being nice Christian men and get in trouble for being that! Yes I could write a blog post to them about being clear about their intentions and cooling it when they are not pursuing, but this blog is for you, not them.

If Chris hasn’t come to you articulating what he wants. If he is too immature – sorry, afraid to say it clearly. Or he hasn’t yet made up his mind enough to say- “I like you”, or “I love you” or “I’d like to go somewhere with this” or “I can see us having a future together, please pray into this” or “what do you think of having a relationship with me” you get the gist. There’s no need for you to be worrying your mind praying and stressing your girlfriends and they mama’s about whether or not he is the right guy for you!

You be mature about it!

If you’re unclear because Chris has been making moves that make it seem like he is interested, but he hasn’t had any clear conversations with you, you can be mature about it. Ask him to speak in a semi-private or private setting. Then you can say something like “hey, just wanted to check in if there is something happening here? I’ve been noticing ____”. Or “Is there something going on that I don’t know of?”

Once you put it on the table, you will get a clear response from him of “yes” or “no”. If he says anything that is confusing and muddled, it’s a no. A man who is ready to pursue a relationship with a lady does not need her to explain that to him.

He may say “yes, I am interested but I would like to take things slowly”. Or “I am interested but didn’t know how to say so” or something else explaining why he wasn’t clear in the first place, and that’s fine. You can go back and start praying and following the earlier steps mentioned. But if Chris says “oh no, I didn’t mean it that way”, at least you’re not stressing trying to figure out whether or not he likes you!

A man who is ready to pursue a relationship with a lady does not need her to explain that to him.Click To Tweet

I’ve seen many ladies resolve confusing, time wasting situations by applying this one tip and having a conversation to clear things up. Some of them are now in relationship with, or married to those men and for others, the guys apologized for leading them on falsely. Be encouraged, even they have moved on and forgotten about the whole episode of crushing on the guy or thinking he was crushing on them.

It’s simple. It’s necessary. Stop playing high school games and doing guess work with your mind and time, just talk to the guy.

That’s all for this week ladies! I pray your process toward marriage honors and glorifies God and brings both you and your “Chris” great joy. Pin this abridged checklist so that you can remember our 5 points when it matters!

5 ways to know he's the one checklist

xoxo
Toyin C

Let’s Talk!

What are some other necessary questions for a young woman to ask before she gets into a serious relationship?
What are some non-negotiables for you personally?
Which of these points would be the hardest to consider?
Let me know in your comments!


5 Ways To Know He Is “The One”. (Part 1)

Ok, so this guy – let’s call him “Chris” seems to be pursuing you or has made it clear he would like to get in a relationship. After investing all this time growing close to Jesus, getting used to your singleness and beginning to thrive in it. Or maybe getting a bit tired of being single because everyone around you is getting married, it’s a welcome change. Chris has been making a good case for himself (as they always do) and now it begins.

That -sometimes- agonizing process of prayer and seeking for God’s perfect will for your life.
Is he the one you are to spend the rest of you life with? How do you know?
What questions should you ask?
Which character traits give him brownie points and which should be completely overlooked?
What if you’re not physically attracted to him, but you do think he’s a good Christian?
What if he bores you in conversation but he’s one of the hottest guys you’ve met?
How do you know if he’s “the one”?!

5 ways to know he's the one

Here 5 simple questions to ask yourself about the person you are considering getting married to-

1.        IS HE CHRISTIAN? REALLY?

This is the beginning point for any godly woman considering marriage. It’s the very first question you need to ask yourself (and him if you don’t know him from adam). “Christian” is a very loosely defined word in our culture as you probably know a few folks who call themselves Christian but hate the principles in the Word of God, don’t care too much to follow in the character of Christ, or purposely embrace a sinful lifestyle.

Finding out if he is “Christian” is not a check to see if he simply goes to church, lifts his hand up real high, knows how to pray in public or shouts hallelujah the loudest. It is someone who genuinely loves the Lord Jesus Christ, whose life has come under submission to the word of God and it is evident in his character and lifestyle choices.

A CHRISTIAN IS SOMEONE WHOSE LIFE HAS COME UNDER SUBMISSION TO THE WORD OF GOD AND IT IS EVIDENT IN HIS CHARACTER AND LIFESTYLE CHOICES.

Someone who is living with God’s glory in mind, he may not be perfect but you can see that the priority in his life is to become more and more like… Christ. Go figure. Christ-ian. This point has to be clarified because there a lot of men who are in the church looking for a godly “demure” (as they think equals godliness) woman to get in a relationship and do with as they please.

5 ways to know he's the one short checklist

Why Does This Matter?

Sister, you cannot afford to be in covenant with someone who is not in covenant with God. It is danger beyond your imagination. It doesn’t matter how sweet his words are, how cute he is, how loving his family is, or even how much he professes to love you. One day that love for you will not suffice anymore to sustain your relationship.

How do you know if he is a real Christian?

Listen to his conversation – with you and others. Out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth will speak. If you only ever hear him talking about money, sports, politics, work, jokes and his Jesus- centered conversation is reserved to only within bible study meetings, take note.

Also check to see- How does he make decisions? How does he conduct himself outside of the church? What type of jokes does he tell? Make sure that his life has come under submission to the word of God even if it isn’t perfect, that He loves Jesus and has truly made Him the Lord and Saviour of his life.

THE SECOND QUESTION YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF.

So! Let’s say Chris is Christian, loves Jesus and serves Him with his life. Amazing!

He goes so deep in worship you have to dig him out in order to have conversation. Great!

In fact this Chris can preach fire down from heaven when called to do so, impromptu. Terrific!

Another question you have to ask yourself if you’re considering getting married to him is this-

2.       DO YOU LIKE HIM?

Guess what? At the end of the day you’re not going to be married to Chris’ anointing. You are going to be married to him as a person. A friend of mine used to say – “the anointing is attractive” because we would notice that anytime I would share a “fire” word in our university bible study group there’d be one or two guys calling my phone around 12a.m. while I was speaking with her.

So the additional question here is do you like him? Do you like his character? Do you get along with him? Too many people are praying to marry a guy that you actually do not get along with. You aren’t going to live in the church! The glory cloud isn’t going to cover you in 100,000 hours of time with the hubby. Marriage is a long long time, make sure you are with someone you can actually talk to.

What If He’s Really… Really Cute?!

Also, it doesn’t matter if he’s the most physically attractive person you’ve ever met. Physical attraction isn’t going to keep you in a marriage. People change, bodies change. Make sure it’s someone who makes you smile, someone who shows you love, who you makes you laugh, makes you think.

Physical attraction isn't going to keep you in a marriage. People change, bodies change. Look deeper!Click To Tweet

If in your dating time you’ve found that you can’t stand being around him for too long, don’t marry the dude! It seems silly and obvious to mention but too many times, I see ladies who stay within a relationship they are really not interested in because they want to be nice. The nicest thing you can do for that guy is allow him to be with someone who will appreciate him the way he is while you wait for the right person to approach you. 

is he the one checklist

What About While We Get To Know Each Other?

Finally, this is not in reference to that -sometimes- awkward stage of getting to know one another if you weren’t friends for some time before dating. This is when you’ve gotten to know each other and find you still have nothing to say. You know it’s not the cute romantic fuzzy feels, “your mind is blank because your heart is pounding so hard” stuff. You simply have nothing to talk about or do not care about enough of the same things to meet in the middle. Marriage is not a sentence or a punishment, think that through before going ahead with a “yes!“.

See 5 Ways To Know He Is The One (Part 2) for the rest of this post!


The Secret Place

In all your doing, do not neglect the secret place. The place where you meet with God through His word, prayer and worship. THIS is where you get refreshed. This is where you gain substance. Outside of this, you’re just an echo, just re-iterating what others are learning in THEIR secret place.

Stay with God, spend time with Him. Ensure that all your ministry and service, your work and schooling comes from this place otherwise you’re nothing but a clanging cymbal, adding to the noise thats so prevalent in our generation.

We need those who walk with REAL relationship with God. I constantly find myself getting so busy doing God’s work that I forget to spend time with Him. I ALWAYS see how empty that service becomes, quickly repent and find myself back at His feet. That is the place of greatest honour.

Martha was careful and troubled by many things, but only one thing was needful. Oh that we would never forget this and get sucked in by the busyness of our generation. If JESUS had to take time early in the day to pray, how much more are we in desperate need of time with God?!

Father help us to keep first things first! Help us to actually take time in Your word and not just talk about how great Your word is for us. Help us to live out our love for You by prioritizing our relationship and heart before You. Keep our hearts alive in You. Feeling whatYou feel, praying what You pray and moving on our behalf on the earth!


Love. Life. Truth.

relative_calm_1024

 

On a day which celebrates love, I am crying out. Broken in the place of prayer and pleading with God to see a culture that lives out TRUE, PURE love. A generation that would stand for righteousness and would celebrate holiness.

A culture that would love and honor women. That would no longer objectify them in the name of “love” – What love? This skewed view of love which manifests itself as a selfish desire for self gratification that has overtaken our society with symptoms of the normalization and promotion of pornography, sex trafficking, abortion and the glorifying of “self”.

A culture that would love and honor children, no longer celebrating the right to end their lives as “justice”. I am praying for truth to be seen about this “justice” – A false justice that denies an entire human race the right to life.

I am praying for North America that we would not be so consumed in ourselves and our comfort that we sit silently as generations are obliterated before our eyes. Urging those who oppose this atrocity to be quiet, remain silent so that we can continue to live indifferently. Live in this bubble of blissful ignorance.

I pray for the body of Jesus Christ to wake up. That we would speak up. That we would be a voice for the voiceless. That we would see once again that God is love. Jesus lived love. That love in words alone is empty, fruitless and vain. We must couple our declarations of love for God and mankind with a genuine labor to see the oppressed liberated. For this reason Jesus came:
To preach the gospel to the poor;
To heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

OH that we would cry out for the children that are being killed, the women whose lives are being ripped to shreds by the atrocity that is abortion. Those who don’t even know the options that are available to them when they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant and are thereby lured into the abortion mill. I pray that we would speak life, and hope to those that are hurting from past abortions. That we would show them the forgiveness and freedom that is only available in Christ. I pray for a true love revolution to overtake our society in God’s name and for the glorifying of His dear Son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus, I plead Your blood over my sin and the sins of my nation. God, please end abortion and send revival to North America.


His Name is His Word

Exodus 20:7 says: “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain”.

I’ve always thought it meant don’t swear in God’s name (I swear to G– etc), or even don’t say Oh my G– etc and I’ve seen so many of us (myself included) being so particular about not just calling out God’s name all willy nilly but today a sis shared a different perspective that stumped me.

She had said that she felt God was saying: “If you’re not gonna do it IN MY NAME then don’t use my name.” (reference Exo 20:7) She said: Think about how many times you were tagged here on FB in a picture you’re not in. How did it make you feel? Well think about how God feels when we tag him in services, churches, messages, songs, conversations, prophetic words, offerings… the list goes on. If you know God ain’t in what you’re doing and/or saying, stop using His name to manipulate situations” Latisha Davis.

This really resonated with me. We need to be careful that we are ONLY speaking as led by the spirit of God who will never contradict His word. Ever. This is worship. It is FULL submission to God and not forcing God or our image of God to submit to our opinions and desires.

Abba, I pray that you would help us to stop using your name in vain. That we would not say things that are not your heart and tag your name behind it to give us more credibility. Please convict me, please convict us and help us not to add or subtract from your word. Give us the grace to bridle our tongues and speak truth and only truth. Help us to be real ambassadors of Your kingdom and an honest representation of Your heart on earth, in Your name and for Your glory.

Exodus 20.7


Today I gave Him my mouth.

Surrender

Today I gave Him my mouth.

 

I will not say anything He is not saying
· I will speak life over all situations and people I encounter. He IS abundant life
I will not gossip about a bro/sis.
· I will encourage and edify His body and if I have nothing good to say I will remain quiet.
I will not tell a lie (grey, black, white) or half truth
· I will speak the truth in love even if it kills me.
I will not boast about my relationship with Him.
· If anything, will boast in my weakness for therein is His strength displayed
I will not show off about what I give for His kingdom’s sake.
· I will not allow my left hand to hear about what my right hand is doing.

Today I gave Him my mouth
I will make jokes that strengthen others and do not tear them down.
I will honor my authority in my words as well as my actions
I will pray without ceasing
I will speak His words with boldness
I will be a peacemaker – I will speak up to resolve situations rather than remain quiet and watch as the enemy brings disunity in the body.
I will be slow to speak and quick to listen

Today I gave Him my mouth
I will speak only as I hear Him speaking
I will sing only as I hear Him singing
I will pray only what I hear Him praying.

It’s a high goal, but I’d rather actually try to live out His word than say I am fully surrendered to God when my body/mind/soul are still mine by my fruit. I know that He will give the grace to live this commitment out.

I shared this to challenge us to examine our lives and the use of our mouths specifically and see how well it reflects what we say, pray and sing to God every Sunday (at least). Am I ACTUALLY given to Him?

For scriptural references for any point, holla @ me.


In Love.

I’m in love with Jesus.

No.

I don’t think you understand.

I’m head over heels,

stalking Him,

reading about Him,

obsessed,

living off every word He said,

need to be in His presence,

butterflies in my stomach when I hear His voice,

explosions in my mind when I think on Him.

Wanna do what He tells me to do and deeply regret it when I fall short.

Blown away when He demonstrates His love for me afresh everyday.

Blissfully speechless when He reminds me of what He did to finalize His love for me by dying on the tree.

I’m in love with Jesus and He’s in love with me.

—–

 

This piece is actually a flashback from the past. It was written after hearing some horrible news (horrible from our human point of view and having Jesus show me His side of the story- looking at it from His aerial view). His love shines forth in EVERY circumstance. Run into His arms. Its where you belong.

Written June 2nd, 2011

Update: June 5th, 2011

“Just saaaying, that God completely resolved that situation. COMPLETELY. Like brought something absolutely fabulous out of a hopeless situation! He really DID have something GOOD, no GREAT ready to come out of what looked really frustrating. LOL! Praise Him!”

Sometimes the clearance time is a lot more than 3 days, but the principle remains the same. God is in control and He KNOWS what He’s doing in your life. Trust Him and you will have peace.

 

love-inspirational-daily


Work Hard? Or Work Smart?

I thought I’d share something that God has recently been convicting my heart on…

 

You can work hard all you want, but if God is not in it, It’s ALL in vain. However, you can pursue knowledge of the One who knows ALL. The One with whom is ALL the wisdom that there is to have. Who IS wisdom Himself and thereby work wisely. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so He gives His beloved sleep/inspiration/strength/knowledge/FAVOR. Favor in 1 second can win for a man what would have taken him 3 years to work for.

 

Dear Child of GOD. Why are you afraid?!?! Why do you stall? Why are you shying back from the calling/vision that God has placed before you? That He has placed into your hands?! Why? Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?” Have you not known? Have thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint, neither gets weary? There is no searching of his understanding. He gives power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increases strength. Even the youth will faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait on GOD WILL renew their strength; they WILL mount up with wings as eagles; they WILL run, and not be weary; and they WILL walk, and not faint.

 

Commit your works to God and your thoughts will be established. It’s easier to work alongside what God is doing than struggling to get God to work alongside you.

 

I pray that God would give us grace to wait on Him. Day and night. To actively pursue Him. To radically choose to pick up our cross and follow after His heart. To seek His face in EVERY decision we are to make. Every minute of every day. I pray that God would awaken dependency in or hearts. That we would be poor in spirit. Fully aware that we are unable to do ANYTHING on our own. I pray that we would not take our talents and giftings for granted. In Jesus’ name, amen!

 

God bless fam!

 

Toyin Dada

If you have some time, Read Isaiah 40

Isaiah 40

1Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God.

2Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned: for she hath received of the LORD’s hand double for all her sins.

3The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the LORD, make straight in the desert a highway for our God.

4Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain:

5And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

6The voice said, Cry. And he said, What shall I cry? All flesh is grass, and all the goodliness thereof is as the flower of the field:

7The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: because the spirit of the LORD bloweth upon it: surely the people is grass.

 8The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.

9O Zion, that bringest good tidings, get thee up into the high mountain; O Jerusalem, that bringest good tidings, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Judah, Behold your God!

10Behold, the Lord GOD will come with strong hand, and his arm shall rule for him: behold, his reward is with him, and his work before him.

11He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.

12Who hath measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, and meted out heaven with the span, and comprehended the dust of the earth in a measure, and weighed the mountains in scales, and the hills in a balance?

 13Who hath directed the Spirit of the LORD, or being his counsellor hath taught him?

 14With whom took he counsel, and who instructed him, and taught him in the path of judgment, and taught him knowledge, and shewed to him the way of understanding?

 15Behold, the nations are as a drop of a bucket, and are counted as the small dust of the balance: behold, he taketh up the isles as a very little thing.

16And Lebanon is not sufficient to burn, nor the beasts thereof sufficient for a burnt offering.

17All nations before him are as nothing; and they are counted to him less than nothing, and vanity.

18To whom then will ye liken God? or what likeness will ye compare unto him?

19The workman melteth a graven image, and the goldsmith spreadeth it over with gold, and casteth silver chains.

20He that is so impoverished that he hath no oblation chooseth a tree that will not rot; he seeketh unto him a cunning workman to prepare a graven image, that shall not be moved.

21Have ye not known? have ye not heard? hath it not been told you from the beginning? have ye not understood from the foundations of the earth?

22It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in:

23That bringeth the princes to nothing; he maketh the judges of the earth as vanity.

24Yea, they shall not be planted; yea, they shall not be sown: yea, their stock shall not take root in the earth: and he shall also blow upon them, and they shall wither, and the whirlwind shall take them away as stubble.

25To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One.

26Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.

27Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?

28Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.