Category: Blog
Valuable Tools That Carried Me Through My Greatest Trial

Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t win in life? Like you just can’t catch a break? Sometimes you want to stay down when you get hit because it seems like that would be better than getting up, only to get knocked down again.

When the tough times come, what do you do? Who do you depend on? Who do you trust? Today, I want to talk to you about the tools I used to overcome my life’s greatest trial.

tools for trial

I often compare my life to that of a punching bag. The brand is Everlast, because my Father is Everlasting. I’ve taken hits but I know I was designed with quality in mind so no matter what, I will last.

My son Kayshaun was born with Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy, which is a disease that causes a lack of protein in the dystrophin gene. Over time, this causes a deterioration of his muscles. There is no cure, and the only treatment available has some really undesirable side effects.

Since the heart is the biggest muscle in the body, we understood that there was a possibility that it too would eventually deteriorate. In October 2013, we had just finished a regular checkup with the heart specialist at Sick Kids hospital. Every year we have the same tests done, to make sure there have been no changes in his heart function. On that day, we celebrated that his heart function was normal and only showed the slightest of changes.

Fast forward to February 2014, when Kayshaun fell ill. We were often in the hospital from severe constipation from his medication but this time seemed different. The doctors in the Emergency department looked at him quickly and sent him home with a new prescription that didn’t seem to solve the problem. By the 3rd time we had gone back to the Emergency Department, I decided that I was not going to leave until the doctors had done a thorough check.

Persistence

The doctor sent us for X-rays and it finally seemed like he had diagnosed the problem. Kayshaun was severely constipated and needed an enema to clear him out. But at the same time, the doctor had found something else. He told me that he needed to admit us to the hospital in order to take a closer look.

Doctors from the cardiac unit were called in and they kept us overnight to run tests. By morning, the doctors had diagnosed the problem. They called me into a separate room and told me that his heart had deteriorated rapidly from healthy to 5% heart function in a matter of 4 months. They had never seen anything like it and only gave him the weekend to live. They uttered a sentence I will never forget.

I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do.

I was shocked. Heartbroken. Unsure of what to do. Talk about being punched in the gut. I lost all ability to breathe, to think, to live.

I felt like I was left hanging in the air. The weight of the news was too much. I got the news on Friday, and some friends came to the hospital on Sunday to pray with me. That day I felt an indescribable peace came over me. Everlasting peace.

I had this understanding that things were going to be ok. I also made the decision to live life and make unforgettable memories with my son in the time we had together.

When You Think It Can’t Get Any Worse…

In the months that passed, many miracles took place. Every time the doctors said he only had a few days left, he out-lived their prediction. Happily. He always kept a smile. However, on the morning of August 16th, 2014 he woke up and took his last breath in my arms.

I never thought he would pass away. He beat the odds every single time. Near the end, it became more challenging for him and he kept pushing. And each time he kept pushing, I did too. We were cut from the same cloth, built to overcome.

But still he left…

After we had laid him to rest, I took a trip with a friend to get away from the noise. When I returned, I found out that a glitch in my income provider reduced my earnings from $1200 to $700. This meant that I didn’t have enough money to cover my rent. I had two weeks to pack up what I could, donate as much as possible, put the rest in storage and leave.

I didn’t get a chance to take my time even to pack and mourn over his stuff. Maybe it was for the best. In an instant the life I spent eight years building was gone.

But life has a way of shaping us by bringing us through the fire.

My “Tools For Trial”.

Here are the specific things that carried me through my greatest trial.

  • Music.
  • Prayer.
  • Community.
  • Love.

These are the tools that God used to transition me into my new beginning. They helped me find the room to breathe when I felt I couldn’t. Through the curves, the punches, when I felt frozen and stuck in one place.

Music

In the moments where words weren’t enough, I would play songs of hope. Songs of that reminded me of the truth. Especially, I played gospel praise songs to remind my soul that God is still good when I was tempted to complain. They helped greatly in uplifting my spirits

Prayer

Most of my prayers were short because I had nothing much to say and nothing much to give. Sometimes my only prayer was “God help me”, or “God, it hurts” or “God, please!”

And I know that He heard me each time.

In times of prayer, I felt God’s comfort more than I had ever felt it before.

God is your comforter in hardships 2 Corinthians 2 tools for trial

It’s interesting. You can read about the God of comfort but until you need Him this way, you don’t really know what it means. Still He always shows up.

Community

I used to isolate myself when things got really bad and I was challenged to reach out and to build and maintain my friendships through this period. To start conversations with others when I feel like shutting down.

Part of my choice to lean on community support was to hire a professional therapist to help me process my emotions. I also applied to be a part of Toyin’s amazing Leadership and Women’s Life Coaching group. There I was surrounded by 11 other women who walked with me and allowed me to walk with them through their processes as well. It helped me get direction in my life, regroup and see that my life didn’t end when his did, as much as it had felt that way for so long.

Love

Love has been a constant throughout this experience. Kayshaun showed me love every single day. God showed me love every step of this journey and finally, I realized that every time I gave away a little bit of love, it actually was a source of healing to me as well. I felt more complete.

New Beginnings

I heard that the number seven represents completion and perfection and eight, new beginnings.

My son passed away at the age of eight.

I believe that I now have the opportunity for a new beginning if I am willing to accept it. I have been branded by my Maker and walk in His everlasting strength, no matter what is thrown my way.

My Words To You

Dear friend, no matter what you are going through, I want to tell you that you also have the opportunity for a new beginning.

Take a breath *in* and *out*, breath the stress, the negative words, the haunting memories out and give them to God. He knows what to do with them and He knows how to mend your heart and give you life more abundantly in return for your brokenness.

Say these words out loud:

Lord, please help me. No matter where I am in life, keep me close and grounded in You.

You will have to choose to move forward and if even if you feel like you are starting from scratch, make sure you are doing so with a solid foundation. I promise you, God is willing and able to hear you, even if all you can do is whisper.

The best part of life is that you are never obligated to give up. Each day you keep pushing, you are inspiring people around you who you may not even know are paying attention. We need you to keep holding on.

Here’s a major tip that helped me a lot.
Besides praying, find a song that pierces your soul.  The kind of song that no matter where your head is at, it breaks through and warms your soul unlike any other. The rhythm is perfect and the words speak life.

Whenever you are having a hard time connecting, dealing with life, staying present, and moving onward, play that song on repeat. Repeat it until you feel a change within yourself and SING!

It doesn’t matter if you can hold a tune or not, sing the song with everything you have in you. There is something so powerful about singing truth out loud. It’s like you sing the problems out of your body. Once you’ve done that, make the decision that no matter what, this day will be positive. Even if everything goes wrong around you, smile, thank God for the good and bad and don’t give up.

So what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get knocked down? How are you going to react when life throws you a curve that you never saw coming? Trust God that you too can have everlasting strength.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
-Hebrews 12:11

Let’s Talk

  1. What are some of your FAVOURITE songs for moments of hardship? Share so that others can benefit from them as well!
  2. What are some of the tools that have carried you through your greatest trials?

Guest Blog by C.o.l.a. of Up Pur Beauty

Note from Toyin

Thank you so much C.o.l.a for being willing to be vulnerable and open with us on your personal journey through such a difficult trial. We support you and love what God is doing in and through your life. We pray for greater peace, joy, and comfort as you continue to surrender yourself to Him.

I am honoured that you would share your story on this platform and hope that many of my readers are encouraged to use these tools and find others that will help them overcome the trials they face.

Everyone’s process is different, but God is able and willing to restore even the most bruised and broken heart. If you want to practice what Cola said and listen to as well as sing truth over yourself, click here for a recommended youtube playlist.

If you would like to read more about overcoming hardships, read this blog about failure and this blog about excuses.

Bless you Cola and reader,
Toyin C


The “Blessing? Loom”

Hello family,

So! We need to talk.

We need to talk about a fad that is currently sweeping through some of my circles on social media. I have noticed it mostly on Facebook and Whatsapp in particular and it seems to be sucking many people in. What is it? The “Blessing Loom”.

The blessing loom information

Some of my readers won’t like this, but you need to hear this from someone and if you haven’t been willing to receive it from others, I hope you can trust me enough to read to the end.

A friend recently shared his concern regarding the “Blessing Loom” with these words – 

“I just feel that our community needs more education on things like home ownership, being debt free, owning a business, creating opportunities for your community and not just “double your 💰”. Maybe I’m just out of touch.”
Tristan Barrocks

I don’t think you’re out of touch Tristan, I agree.

Another Way

There are legitimate ways to become debt-free, build wealth, create opportunities, run PROFITABLE businesses without taking advantage of anyone or making false claims of quick cash (false because it will only ever work for a few participants and never for all- simple math).

As a life, business and debt-freedom coach, I wish – I wish – half of those who are currently or have previously participated in “the Loom” knew how to build wealth without falling for things like these.

For example, this week alone, my business helped so many people save more than the $980 being offered through “the Loom”, simply by negotiating their car insurance down legitimately. In other words a ONE hour conversation put an extra $1,000+ in the pockets of so many clients this week.

Yet, some of the participants in the Blessing Loom may see such an opportunity and respond with – “I don’t have the time”, or “it can’t be true”. But we are willing to believe and sear our consciences for that same amount of money when the premise sold to us is, “just put $135 in and get $1080 out”.

Christians

The number of Christians falling for this also tells me that financial education is GRAVELY lacking in the church.

And this may not be the pastors’ faults. It just may be because the people are unwilling to learn. Most of us just want a “miracle”. Aka. Easy money. Aka I exchange my $135 and get $1080. And too many are unwilling to commit the time and sweat it takes to build godly lasting wealth for the long-term.

But we are capable of so. much. more.

 

Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows over time.
Proverbs 13:11 (NLT)

My Advice

With the amount of time people have invested this past week alone into talking others into joining “the Loom”, they could’ve finished reading a book like “The Automatic Millionaire” which teaches legit strategies for wealth-building.

Instead of participating we can prioritize using that same amount of time to invest into ourselves through rigorous self-education or get an expert to help us. We can save or make that same amount of money in a way that is completely integral. We can invest the $135 in buying books or enrolling in a course that can improve our financial understanding like this one.

Please note – this is not a generalization of the motive of every participant in the Blessing Loom. I’m sure some simply joined in the excitement of the moment; but even that stresses the need for us to do our due diligence before investing our money – which further highlights the need for financial education.

For those who believe there is no point getting involved in this conversation. That we should just “leave people to make their own decision about it”, here is my response. If I was being approached to participate in something that was potentially illegal, I would rather my real friends alert me to that fact than smile at me and say “good on you, at least you’re making money!”

So instead of getting defensive about the points listed here, practice what I spoke about in this blog and evaluate yourself.

Ask Yourself

  1. What is my motive for joining the Loom?
  2. Knowing what I know about “the Loom”, is it a fair opportunity for everyone I am bringing to the table, or will it leave some with nothing?
  3. Is there a better use of my time in earning extra money?
  4. Are there ways that I am wasting the money that I am currently earning which is what is leaving me consistently in need?

Finally

I could keep going but I’ll stop.
My prayer for all of us is that the Lord would give us wisdom and help us to say no to temptation.
That He would keep me. Keep us. From the love of money. In Jesus’ name, amen.

If you are looking to have extra cash each month, become debt free, run a profitable business the real way, or just to get unstuck financially, send an email to toyin @ toyindada .com (without the spaces). I am willing to assist if possible and if I cannot, refer you to someone who can.

Leave a comment below, let me know what you think of what is happening – for or against the blessing loom as I am open to understanding more about it if you have a legitimate defence for it (outside of just saying “I cashed out so it works!”)

 

Your sis,

TC.


What Do You Do With Failure?

Everyone wants to be a success.

We talk about it, pray for it and wait for that day when we finally “achieve success” in different areas. Relationships, academics, career, finances, marriage, fitness goals, health goals and other things.

You have these goals and strong desires that push you from the moment you get up until your head hits the pillow at night and there’s nothing wrong with desiring success. But as you push for it in different areas of your life, failure will be inevitable. Today we ask the question, what do you do with failure?

Average people hate failure.
To them, it speaks of the end of a thing.
To an average person, failure shouts their weakness and inability to reach success louder than anything else.

But achievers love this sauce!

what do you do with failure? handling failure

Today we will talk about how you can set yourself up to use failure to your advantage so that you actually thrive when it shows up!

I’ll start by sharing two of my most recent goofs.

My Black Girl Hair FAIL.

So! I have been on a natural hair journey for just over one year (yes I’m a wee baby at this thing) and have learned a lot in my journey so far. A few other -more seasoned – naturalistas have complimented me on the miles and bounds I have made in getting my hair to a healthy state and beginning to see some length on it as well. Guureat!

In my process of continual learning, I recently stumbled on a video that highlighted doing a green tea rinse in order to help my hair stop shedding as much during my wash and detangle process.

(Some of you are thinking – what the heck is all this technical talk). But hey, I don’t judge your blogs/conversations about beards, purses or nails so welcome to a tiny piece of my world. :)

Back to the story. I watch this video. She shows the results of the rinse on her hair. She has way less shed hair after the tea rinse.

I’m impressed.

So I decide to do a tea rinse for myself.

(I can’t be faulted for being slow to take action)

Now to be fair to Youtube Tutorial lady, I didn’t use the actual tea bags she had told us to use.

Instead, I ran to my kitchen full of excitement at finding the cure for my excessive shedding. Once there, I saw that I only had one last bag of Javita Green Tea (which is a powdered form of green tea). And not to be held back by such a simple inconvenience, I proceeded to make my tea rinse.

It’s All In The Details

Keep in mind, she had said that when we used the green tea bags, we were only to let it sit in the hot water for 5 minutes, then take it out so that the water isn’t full of caffeine.

Which (in retrospect) means that when I used the powder, I had unleashed the full weight of caffeine that my little tea pouch could carry in that steaming cup of water.

Isn’t it funny how much insight we have in retrospect?Click To Tweet

In the moment, all this was far from my mind.

After all, I’ve never put caffeine in my hair before and didn’t think of it’s effects. I can see you already smiling and shaking your head like “how can Toyin do something this silly?!” Loll Easy, read on!

And So It Began

Because I was just coming out of 3 months on the road, this week was time I had set aside to give my hair some much, much needed TLC. I took 2 full days to prep my hair for this explosion of moisture, health and refreshment.

I was excited!

I had done the pre-poo treatment with one of my very best deep conditioners. “Pre-poo??” That simply means I put a lot of moisture in it the day before “wash day”.

Specifically, I left it in my hair all through the day and night allowing my hair to soak in as much moisture as possible. Here’s a quick video I did while it was in.

Then came a full detangle, gently teasing the strands apart from each other which took me over 2 hours (Yes. My hair is that thick and it had been that long).

At this point, I could feel the soft moisturized texture restored into my hair and was smiling contentedly as I finished detangling and preparing for the wash.

The Conditioner Recovery

Wash time came and after shampooing my hair in sections, I applied the green tea rinse. I immediately noticed how dry and brittle my hair felt coming out of such a moisturized state. But I figured she had given us a warning not to leave it in too long because caffeine does dry out our hair so this was probably just that.

I applied ample conditioner but didn’t feel a difference. I then put in a ton of deep conditioner and let it sit again for a few hours as my deep conditioner usually does magic in bringing moisture to my hair.

After this, I detangled and washed out the deep conditioner, then I put in some oil to seal in the moisture.

Afterward it was time to style my hair so I applied some leave in conditioner –how many times have I said conditioner? That’s how dry my hair was y’all lol and I put it in it’s style to set.

Why It Mattered.

Keep in mind, during this time, I received an invitation to sing at an event that featured the highest king in Nigeria’s Yorubaland (the Ooni of Ile-Ife, his Queen and four other kings from Osun State) the coming Sunday morning. Y’all I mean this literally.

So what did I do?
I knew I had a good thing cooking, so I simply kept that style setting in my hair right up until Saturday night and just spritzed some extra water, leave in conditioner and a light layer of fat oils on it to preserve all that moisture I had packed in.

Sunday morning came and I was looking forward to finally having a look at the style that I had invested about 2 days of work into.

(Guys, I promise you I don’t usually spend this much time on my hair every week).

La Flop.

I took out the hairstyle and as soon as the first strand was undone, I knew something wasn’t right.

The leave-in conditioner had dried into white flakes concentrated in the front part of my hair (of course). Eventually, I took out the whole thing and my heart sunk. It was U-G-L-Y. This isn’t self-hatred y’all it looked horrible. Lol

I showed the style to my sister and husband who tried to think of positive ways I could move my hair around to accommodate its current “condition”.

Eventually we had to admit that none of us could come up with anything that would look less like a mop of hard crustiness on my head.

I had to think fast because I needed to get to the event by a specific time so I eventually decided to call it a FAIL and wash it out – asap.

So I did.

I rinsed out my hair with pure, clean, zero scent, good feelin’ water.
Stuck 2 hairpins on each side of my head.
Used a towel to dry it out a bit and ran out of the house with my hair still dripping slightly in the back.

YEESH!

By the time I arrived, I was calm, cool, collected and resolved to figure out what went so horribly wrong with my hair (which I now have).

Here was my Sunday morning final look –

toyin crandell singing at Ooni of Ile-Ife Event in Toronto, Canada

(Click on the photo to see a short video I did at the event)

My last minute save aside,

I can honestly say that was the worst hairstyle attempt EVER. Worse than the styles I attempted during my transition season from permed to natural hair.

As if this failure wasn’t enough, that same week, on the Friday, I had another huge fail on the new eating pattern myself and my hubster had begun.
Don’t worry this one is a lot less technical and much shorter!

Failure Numero Deux – My Ketogenic Zucchini Bread Baking Experience

(See what I did there, english, spanish and french?) If I’m welcoming you into the deep crevices of my mind, you’re getting all of me :)

So as some of you know, myself and my hubby have joined the ketogenic lifestyle bandwagon. Yes it’s a bandwagon. *shrug*

While on the road touring, we had both gained a total of 20 pounds because of our limited food options on the road. Previously we had been talking about changing our eating habits drastically in order to live healthier lives (huge shout out to Beni Johnson of Bethel Church, Redding) who wrote Healthy and Free: A Journey to Wellness for Your Body, Soul, and Spirit.

That book helped me finally understand not just the importance of prioritizing my health, but the practical hoooow of doing it.

(Josh was already on that train long before I was). See further comments on this in the “My Boss’ Salads” section of the Adding Value To Yourself blog. 

Anyway, as we had just come off of the road, we felt this was the time to make our big health change. We decided on the ketogenic eating lifestyle as simply as we could’ve picked the paleo, clean eating, vegetarian or something else. Maybe not so much vegetarian… lol

Now, these new eating habits had been going pretty well for us.

I had learned many new recipes that tasted great and it was (and is) actually helping us come back to a healthy weight and FEEL for our age and height.

But that fateful Friday, we had a huge spoonful of Failure.

I had intended to bake a zucchini bread for myself and the sir, because we missed having bread and found that this was low carb enough for our diet.

I followed the recipe perfectly (I think).

We were both so excited about this bread that we had coffee and tea for breakfast and saved our tummies for what was baking in the oven.

When I brought it out, it was the picture of perfection. Just between golden and chocolate brown, soft to the poke, smelled amazing.

We couldn’t wait to dig in.

I cut pretty sizable portions for each of us and my husband was the first to take a bite. It was a big one. As soon as he closed his mouth, he started choking and coughing the bread back out.

I was like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He said “It’s SALTY!”

I immediately grabbed my piece, took a big chunk into my mouth and the salt content bulldozed my taste buds with it’s harsh unforgiving presence. The salt was not a figment of his imagination.

Turns out, it wasn’t zucchini bread… it was salt bread.

Guys, this bread tasted so bad that I had planned on showing you the “perfect looking” bread itself and took a photo of it with my hubby’s phone. But my boo saw the photo on his phone and not knowing what I intended to do with it, deleted it.

When I asked him about the photo (because I am now writing the blog), he mentioned that he had deleted it long ago because he didn’t want to be reminded of the day he put a bar of salt into his mouth. 

And imagine, that was only two days before the hair fail occurred.

Reflection.

Needless to say, the next week I had much time to laugh about and reflect on these two major fails in areas that I cared about.

Mind you, these examples are a lot easier to deal with than some other failures I’ve had. Like almost completely failing my 2nd year in University ( I failed more courses that year than ever before in my life). Or handling the failure of business ideas that felt like they had been a waste of time, money and much, much hard work.

“The increase of suicides, alcoholics, and even some forms of nervous breakdowns is evidence that many people are training for success when they should be training for failure.

Failure is far more common than success; poverty is more prevalent than wealth; and disappointment more normal than arrival.”
Wallace Hamilton

We have encountered a lot of failures in our journey but we are so full of joy where we are now, not because we have avoided making more mistakes but because we have learned how to laugh at and learn from them!

In life, the question is not if you will have problems but how you are going to deal with them. John MaxwellClick To Tweet

“In life, the question is not if you will have problems but how  you are going to deal with your problems… You have the potential to overcome all of life’s problems, mistakes, and random misfortunes. All you have to do is change how you think about failure.”
John Maxwell

And as I processed these failures, I decided to share with you my method for dealing with the many failures I and you will encounter in life.

How can YOU handle failure in a way that helps you overcome it.

ONE: Take Responsibility

Ladies and Gentlemen, when you make a mistake and it leads to failure, YOU made the mistake. Own it. I put the full strength of green tea caffeine in my own head and it wasn’t Youtube’s fault or the lady who did the tutorial video. It was all my own.

As much as I want to believe that I followed the keto recipe perfectly, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have posted a recipe for salt-bread online and have it go anywhere at all. So I have to admit that in my (usual) way of adapting recipes to what I think will fit myself and the hubster, I ended up adding way too much salt than was needed. Either that or Maranatha -my one year old daughter- did it! (I kid)

  • Your investment bombed so you blame your investment company… but you hired them!
  • Adam blamed Eve for the bite he took from the apple.
  • You left the stove on too long and the meal got burned. So you blame your husband for not helping you around the house, which made you multitask and forget the chicken in the pot.
  • You slip on some fallen leaves on the sidewalk, and instead of acknowledging your own clumsiness, you begin a tirade about how people need to sweep the leaves off the ground before they become a hazard to the general public.
  • Blaming your super hard, inflexible, Dracula teacher for bombing a course (that others passed).

Ridiculous? Yes. But we do it everyday. These people probably have some responsibility in the matter, but my friend, let’s admit the part that is all your own.

So today, choose to own your mistakes.

Put your name on them so that you can ensure not to repeat them again. If you are not willing to highlight exactly what you did that caused that failure, you are sure to repeat it again.

Just admit it y’all, you make mistakes and it’s okay.

In fact, sometimes, it’s really funny.

TWO: Learn from Your Mistakes

This. Is. HUUUUGE. I accredit this habit of mine to my dad because of his consistent questions asking us to learn from every. single. experience we had growing up.

Every year, when we would go on summer vacations, my father would have myself and all 4 of my sisters write essays (pages long y’all) about what we saw or experienced, how much fun we had, what we learned and what we want to do differently next time.

Because we knew we would have to write an essay about this Disney trip, or airplane flight to Lagos from Warri, I began to see learning points in every experience of life.

This is greatly helped me to not be hindered by the mistakes I make.

I have accepted that mistakes help me to learn what NOT to do.

Mistakes help you to learn what NOT to do.Click To Tweet

When you can pinpoint your mistake, you are much less likely to repeat it.

When you can apologize for a mistake you’ve made that affects other people that you care about, your relationships flourish!

When you can change your habits because you see the fruit of certain decisions you’ve made, you become a better, stronger, more productive and much happier woman/man.

I challenge you not only to accept the mistakes you make but take the time to think about how you can avoid making the same ones again!

Repeating The Same Mistakes

This doesn’t mean you’ll never make any mistakes, or that you’ll never repeat a mistake.

Sometimes mistakes are undercover transformers. They show up in situation A and just when you learn what not to do there, the same mistake morphs and presents itself in a different situation.

So no, you won’t be the perfect “ever growing” non-mistake-repeating person, but your repitition will be very reduced!

THREE: Accept Failure as a Part of Your Path to Success

Thomas Edison said:

“Failure is really a matter of conceit.
People don’t work hard because, in their conceit, they imagine they’ll succeed without ever making an effort.
Most people believe that they’ll wake up someday and find themselves rich.
Actually, they’ve got it half right, because eventually they do wake up.”

They eventually find out that because they were hiding from failure, they were hiding from their own success as well.

NO SUCCESSFUL PERSON GOT THERE WITHOUT FAILURE Y’ALLL!!!

Click on that link to see a blog where I feature 5 different people who have achieved major success with what many would consider failures, obstacles and life’s disappointments throughout their paths. 

I’ll say it differently.

If you want to succeed, get comfortable with failure.Click To Tweet

It doesn’t mean that you camp out in it and accept failure as your portion for life. It simply means that when it comes knocking, you laugh and celebrate it. Because you have learned one more thing not to do and you are that much closer to getting where you want to go!

Also making mistakes and failing means that you’re MOVING!

You’re moving friend! While others are talking, complaining and sitting back on their behinds watching life happen to them, you are taking life in your hands and making something of it. Celebrate THAT. And don’t stop doing it!

FOUR: Keep A Positive Attitude

You are not a failure!

I’ll say this again for some of you who really need to understand and accept this.

You

         Are

                  Not

                           A

                                    FAILURE!!!

You just aren’t. God didn’t create you that way and you only fail at life when you accept and believe that silly but deadly lie.

The fact that you have failed at that course 3 times doesn’t make you stupid. It doesn’t even mean “that course was never meant for you”. You just may not yet had found the right teacher or simply need to read the material one more time.

Also some of the failures or obstacles you experience will be out of your control. You still can rise above these. It’s a matter of perspective.

Let’s be real, failure can be emotionally heavy.

That’s honest and it’s okay to process the gravity of what just went down, but don’t stop there.

If you choose to give in to the fear of failing the next time, it will lead to paralysis, self-pity, excuses, hopelessness and purposelessness. Once failure or the fear of it can get you stuck in one area of your life, it will try to spread to almost every area of your life.

So choose joy! Choose laughter. Choose hope!

Remember that the failure is not the end of your life. You have much more living to do and the story only ends there if you allow it to.

You WILL come out on the other side. You can succeed. And in order to succeed you need to…

FIVE: Take Risks!

what do you do with failure? take risks

#nuffsaid.

SIX: Understand when something isn’t working and accept it.

Letting go when you have invested much into anything can be devastatingly hard. Especially if it is a relationship (pre-marriage), business venture, career choice etc.

A Business Client’s Dilemma

I remember having to point out to a business coaching client of mine that her original business was simply not working.

She had invested years and tons of money into it and it had not responded kindly to her. At the same time, she had started a different business on the side which was thriving. But because she had poured so much into her first business idea, she kept her focus on making that one work.

She ignored the business that was simply falling into place for her, bringing her clients, and a purpose-filled income.

Even though she had fresh ideas and zeal for the new business, it was always an afterthought to her first idea. It was as though she had an obligation to the first business to stick it out “until death do them part”.

After I mentioned this to her, she finally trusted her instincts. She let go of her fears, released her first business (for now) and focused in on the business that was working and she hasn’t looked back since.

She’s been booking more clients, enjoying her time in it and doing just what she wants to do with her time.

Letting go when you have invested much into anything can be hard. But if it isn't working, you will be better for it!Click To Tweet

It sounds easy and clear cut but sometimes it’s really hard to see when you’re in the middle of it yourself.

Letting Go Ourselves

I remember when we decided to close down our own window washing business.

It was not making enough to sustain our family, was taking a lot of time from the other businesses we were running and our lives in general and just wasn’t as fruitful as we thought it would be.

It was so painful for me to get rid of the expensive equipment we had purchased. Throw out the thousands of flyers we had made. The t-shirts we had printed and worn for just one season. Most of all to say no to the happy customers that had contacted us to come again the next year.

I can’t tell you guys how long it took us to close the contact phone line (the final step) because I kept telling my hubby, “but, we can make it work! How can we turn away clients that are actually calling us?!” Lol

He kept reminding me that yes the business had a bit of success financially. And we were able to hire a few students (a dream of ours) but the earnings weren’t where we needed them to be for the effort it required.

And the style of business didn’t give us the freedom we needed for some major family decisions we had made.

It’s sometimes easier to see when things are just not working for others and ignore where they aren’t working for ourselves.

But this is the work you need to do.

Today, sit down and take an inventory of your life. There are some things that you simply need to persevere in. But sometimes, perseverance, looks like scrapping that paper and starting again with a blank sheet knowing that that will bring you closer to your goal.

SEVEN: Persevere!

Alright y’all I’m about to feed you some Thomas Edison quotes, back to back. Love me, hate me, they were way too good for me to choose just one.

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Mm.

“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this – you haven’t.”  MM.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time.”

-Thomas Edison.

The man who tried to create the lightbulb and failed 10,000 times. But got it right on his 10,001 attempt and absolutely changed the world when he did.

Post Script:

My hair did eventually recover from the dryness of the caffeine. -See proof from just one week after ;)

And I’m happy to say it DID reduce the shedding to like 10% of what it was before- CRAZY RIGHT! Lol

I have never again tried the zucchini bread. Mostly because my husband can’t bring himself to try tasting it again…. yet. I don’t blame him but one day soon, I’ll wear him down.

Let’s Talk – leave a comment in the facebook thread below!

How have you previously felt about the failures in your life?
What good can you see has come out of them? What lessons have you learned?
What are some of the ideas, businesses, relationships that you need to acknowledge aren’t working and “call it a day” on?
Share with the family what recent failures you have encountered and the perspective you are using in order to overcome them!


4 Most Valuable Things To Do With Your Time – Add Value To Yourself

Drip…
Drip…
Drip…

That’s the sound of time, slowly but surely drifting out of your grasp and into the deep, vast portals of history.

Maybe you have previously understood the all too familiar sense of passing time, but imagined the slow and steady drip of a loosely tightened tap faucet. A replenishable source with a limited output.

Yet these are not like drips from a tap, but from a very finite source.
Think of it like a bottle with a set amount of water in it.

A limited and unknown amount of time has been entrusted to you, to do with as you please.

If properly used, this gift of time can result in a tremendous gift for the rest of humanity. It can also pass away, unmaximized with excuses like “too little time” limiting the mark you leave behind.

So how do we use time properly?

Today, we are starting a series on the 4 most valuable things to do with your time and hone in on our first point – Adding Value To Yourself.

add value to yourself

I want to start with a clear distinction.

When I refer to adding value to yourself, I am not speaking of trying to gain some worth that you are missing out on as a human being.

Everyone has inherent worth. From the moment you were conceived until now, you were and are worth fighting for. You are created in the image of God. Loved, a treasure and you carry a value beyond what words can describe.

When I speak of adding value to yourself, I mean the value that affects your net worth, income and relationships. Improving the “you” that interacts with others, contributes to society and navigates the many challenges and joys of life.

If you are able to master this one principle of adding value to yourself, you become almost limitless. You are able to become established in any area or field of study, income stream, sport competition or strength of character. If you can get a hold of this one principle, you can determine your own financial worth and overall place in life.

Like I said in another blog, if others own your life, you stay where you are. If you own your time, you can invest it in much growth.

You need to be purposeful about investing 1-3 hours every single day adding value to yourself.

How To Add Value To Yourself-

Self-Evaluation.

You must be willing to be honest about who you are. You may not have ever thought about the areas of your life that needs to change or be strengthened.

Or maybe you thought of it briefly before going into an interview where you think they may ask you, “What are your weaknesses?” So you throw together a nice sounding “weakness” like being a workaholic which you think your potential new boss would like to hear.

Self-evaluation isn’t done in order to “beat yourself up” or begin to feel ashamed, condemned or limited by these weaknesses. It is done to realize the areas of your life that -if improved- will drastically improve your own quality of life, career, ministry and relationship with God.

Proper, healthy self-evaluation will improve your quality of life, career, ministry and relationship with God!Click To Tweet

Very very few people can say they have mastered life and are currently in a place of complete perfection in character, knowledge, wisdom and the like.

In fact, there is only one person who is able to say such a thing – Jesus Christ.

you are a work in progress

—-Unfortunately, some people expect that becoming a better reflection of God on the earth requires no effort on their part.

They expect that God is changing them and will continue to “work on them” outside of their input.

I have actually heard some people say “God’s still working on me” as a cop out from accepting a fault and deciding to be better.

That phrase can be used as truth only when you’re actively participating with God on that work. Otherwise, you should be saying –

“God wants to work on me but my pride, love for sin and/or stubbornness refuses to allow Him to do His thing”.

Selah.

Then “who am I” you ask?

The person you are right now, before you take on this task of adding value to yourself, is a reflection of your parents, family, peers, education/schooling system and environment.

You have not yet begun to discover who God created you to be unless you have decided to begin self-evaluation. You’ve simply taken on the expectations of people around you and lived the life they expect for the most part.

Like it or not, you are the subtotal of those who developed and trained you.
Those who contributed to your upbringing have also established your current mindset and paradigm for life.

Even if it has looked good. If you have done well in this role. Without self-evaluation and improvement, you have not yet started living your own life well, simply the one they created for you.

My sisters

Though I have 4 sisters, 3 of us were brought up mostly in the country, Nigeria. The last 2 were brought up (by the same parents) in the country, Canada. This affected our way of thinking and behaviour drastically.

Some things that come naturally to the first 3 of my parent’s daughters are an afterthought in my last 2 sisters. Meanwhile, there are parts of Canadian culture that are very much a part of them and had to be learned for the 3 of us.

We are vastly different simply because of one change in our upbringing – our environment.

Likewise, there are paradigms through which you look at life that cannot be shared or given.

And these paradigms can limit or affect who you become. If you are not active about going through a process of self-evaluation and eventually, self development.

This is not a proud self-discovery/self-worship. But a prayerful look at God’s desire for who you are supposed to be and the life you are meant to live to His glory.
It is a commitment to bring that “you” to being.

Action point:

Make a list of the different modes of thought that you have, which have been inspired by your upbringing, culture, education, peers etc.
Highlight any of them that you can see clearly are not reflective of the word of God or your vision for your own life.

The Foundation For a Strong Value System.

When we speak of agreeing to a process of change and creating the life that God is calling you to, it cannot simply be done through your imagination or “positive thinking”.

You need something concrete to follow.
Guidelines to keep you from becoming self-absorbed and self-important.
A sure way to keep yourself from pride and remain submitted to the process of growth.
That guideline is the Bible. The word of God.

God is your Creator and He knows exactly what He intended when He put you together in your mother’s womb.

When you go back to the His word – the Bible- as the basis of your transformation, you discover the exact places where your prior way of thinking has been wrong.

Man! I can tell you guys, the bible changed my life completely when I began to read it in order to be changed by it.

A lot of the time, the things you have learned from people’s traditions outside of the bible are faulty. Why? Because it’s like the game of broken telephone.

lost in translation

E.g. Some Christians embrace poverty and behave as though having money is evil.
They often say things like “money is the root of all evil” and it’s clear they have not actually read and meditated on 1 Timothy 6:10 themselves.
If they had, they would know that it actually says that the “love of money is the root of all kinds of evil”.

Having no money will not protect a person from falling in love with it or allowing it to affect their decisions, level of peace or sense of security.

The bible said it is the heart posture behind the material, not the material itself that can be dangerous.

And God knows that many people fall into the trap of loving money with millions in the bank and others with negative amounts (debt).

What is your value system based on – Culture or God?

I remember the day I encountered one of the errors in my culture and had to choose what held more value for me.

I had gotten into an argument with my younger sister, and afterwards, in my time of prayer, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to return to her and apologize for the way I had spoken to her.

*backstory* I grew up in the Nigerian culture which says “the older person is always right”. And I genuinely believed that. I would always take the word of an elder person over someone younger and therefore, I also would assume that I was in the right if I disagreed with someone younger than me.

When Abba asked me to return and humble myself by apologizing to my younger sister, I immediately protested.
I said, “I can’t do that, she’s younger than me!”
Even if I was wrong in the way I spoke to her, she was wrong for arguing with me in the first place. She wasn’t being respectful towards me.
And He simply left the conversation at His last words.

As I wrestled with this request, I thought, I can’t apologize to her, we’re Nigerian and that just doesn’t make sense in our culture. To which He said,
“You are either first a Nigerian or you are first My follower. Which is it?”

Immediately, I conceded that before I could lay claim on any other part of my identity, I needed to submit my entire person, identity and way of thinking to God and His word before my nationality or culture.

In particular, I had to submit my pride, though it was acceptable and celebrated in my culture, for the sake of having a relationship with my sister that reflected the love of Christ.

So I went to my sister and mumbled a pathetic “sorry” which was really surprising to her and quenched much of our fire (for that moment).

This didn’t make me less of a Nigerian, or less connected to my culture. However, it helped me to begin to look objectively at what parts of my culture were aligned with the word of God and what parts were not.

That simple action shifted my paradigm.

It helped me later during our marriage counselling when an elder person counselled myself and my then-fiance by saying that we needed to plan financially (good advice) and that in order to do that well, we needed to love money (bad advice. really  really bad advice. lol)

They kept on repeating that loving money was ok and it was such a glaring opposite from the word of God. But if I still had that mindset of elders always being right, I may not have caught it at all.

When other inconsistencies between my culture (Canadian or Nigerian) and the Word of God presented themselves, I was much more likely to notice it and choose God’s word and His way.

So! You want to figure out what your current value system is based on.

Is it the amalgamation of everyone else’s opinion and traditions or is it founded on the solid base of the Word of God?

How To Change and Add Value To Yourself

You have greater potential for growth and change than you can ever imagine.

You are able to determine what your values are for life and change your lifestyle, paradigms, habits and mode of thinking to live a life that follows the values that matter to you.

Whaaaa?

You can recreate your world by changing your way of thinking and habits to match the principles that you value.

That’s why someone who grew up with an abusive parent does not have to become one  themselves. They are able to change their way of thinking because they value their children and want to give them a better parental experience than they received.  

However, many people who do not go through this process of self-evaluation and change will not even see the areas where they reflect the exact actions and way of thinking they hated to see in their own parents.
They simply become a victim of the abuse and remain so all their lives.
Forever affected by an unchangeable past.
And that my friend, is more of a prison than the abuse itself.

Let’s talk health.

If you value being a healthy person but have found yourself limited by your environment, upbringing and lack of knowledge on how to live a healthy life, you are not STUCK in the place you currently are.

If you value it enough, you are able to begin to read books, watch videos, speak to friends and experts who live healthier lives than you do and grow. You can begin to take baby steps toward eating properly, getting more activity and grow as time goes on.

Yes, it takes self discipline. It takes sacrifice and commitment to change something as deeply ingrained in some people as the love for junky, garbage snack foods to begin to train your tastebuds to eat and truly enjoy salads, vegetables or taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

My former boss’ salads

In my previous workplace, one of my boss’ would eat so healthy I thought she was punishing herself (slight exaggeration ;)). I remember one day asking her why she eats huge salads for lunch. Fish as a snack. Fruits and vegetables when she was randomly hungry. The rare time she got a pizza I remember her loading it up with all sorts of vegetables and anchovies.

That was when I had to ask!
I asked her if she actually enjoyed all these vegetables she was constantly eating. “Don’t you wish you were having burgers, or chips for lunch or snacks sometimes?”
To which she responded, “No, I really enjoy it. I love the taste, and if I don’t have my salads or nuts I miss it”.

This shocked me. I understood eating healthy because you chose it and simply want to be healthy, but to have your tastebuds prefer it over a good steak or some rice and stew… that I didn’t get.

So I continued,
“How did you get this way? Were you always like this?”

She responded, “No. When I was 21 years old, I ate like the average Canadian. Junk food regularly and didn’t really pay attention to what I was putting in my body.
Then one day I decided that eating healthy was important to me, so I began to train my tastebuds to enjoy healthy foods.
I simply started eating healthy and stuck to it for a long, long time”

And a few decades later, her taste buds have now adapted to her inner value system. The love for healthy living and clean eating.

Wow.

When I heard her say this, I remembered something my husband says consistently, “Food is not just about the taste, you have to think about it as fuel for your body. The fuel you give you body matters.”

So what are the values that you have for your life?
Have you taken the time to figure out what your personal mission statement is?
When you die, what do you want to be said of you?
Now based on your current lifestyle and actions, will that be true?
From the word of God and His leadership, do you know your calling?
Even if it’s not the full picture, do you know where He wants you to focus in the next few seasons?
What is the sphere of influence that He has given to you to bring positive change and use your time to effect?

Action Point

List out the values or qualities you see in people you admire or are doing work in the sphere you are called to.
You do not have to “be” them. In fact you can’t even if you wanted to. However, you can learn from them, what qualities have contributed to their success.

If you have been called to serve homeless and orphaned children. You want to see the qualities in people like Mother Teresa, Heidi Baker etc that have helped them impact those children. You may not have the same level of influence that they do, but that’s not the point. It’s about affecting the children you are called to, period.

Or if you value having a strong united family while achieving conquests in your career, what are the qualities you see in strong united families around you? Especially those with parents who are making strides in their careers?
If you can’t find any of these types of families in your immediate circle of friends, read books of people who have not only had good success in other areas of life but keep a strong united family while doing it.

3 ways to add value to yourself

  1. Decide On and Strengthen Your Core Values

Many of us have created our value systems based simply on what our culture says and what people around us value. This is the time you want to sit down and think outside the box. What are some core value systems you’ve been taught that are limiting your ability to function at your best?

What are some assumptions or traditions that you’ve grown up with that are destructive?

Love for Comfort Vs Compassion and Courage

Some people grow up in a family that is predominantly unwilling to step out of their comfort zone. And they just figure that’s the way life goes. You do whatever will not rock the boat. Stay low. Even when they see and are really bothered by the state of their society and the mindset of people around them.

They would rather do nothing, complain and agree with the feelings of helplessness that comes when they think about making some form of positive change.
Someone from such a family who personally values courage and compassion will need to work to gain those character traits.

Education?

Some people grow up in families that do not value education, so they think that education is a waste of time and money even if they have the potential (and would thrive) in a professional position. It doesn’t even cross their minds because education and jobs that require it is not a valued priority in their environment.

Do an analysis.
Look at your goals and see what value systems have previously held you back from achieving them.
Then begin to develop a new value system based on the life God has called you to live

  1. Get Good Information

You are a product of what you are exposed to. The information and knowledge that you receive. And guess what? You can control that!!!

You are able to determine what influences your personality and way of thought. No one is forcing you to sit down and fill your mind with empty nothingness from constant entertainment or nonsensical information.

So choose to spend time doing something of high value. Purposely fill your mind with information that will help you begin to reflect that inner value system.

There are two ways to do this. First of all, get to know God. He is the only One who can lead your process of change while keeping you from becoming proud as you grow.

knowledge puffs up. love builds up.

Now after your have grounded your growth in Jesus Christ and the Word of God, you need to-

Read books! Watch teaching videos! Listen to valuable material within the field you want to grow in.

While you drive, don’t waste time filling your mind with stressful news that adds nothing to your life. Instead, listen to audiobooks, teachings, sermons, training sessions.
I love long distance trips in my car (1 hour and up) because it gives me an opportunity to log in to “iTunes University” which is what I call my audiobook playlist.

I have read so many books I simply wouldn’t have had the time to sit down and read. They transform my car rides into times of spiritual, professional, motivational growth and check me on my character.

These things will add value to you. You should take time to do it.

  1. Change Your Patterns or Habits

It’s not enough to give yourself new information if you are not willing to apply it and begin to change.

You have all heard me quote my father many many times, but there is something he says which I believe is absolutely powerful.

Wisdom is knowing what to do.
Skill is knowing how to do it.
Virtue is getting it DONE!

This is the part where you build your virtue by actually putting into practice the things you’re learning.

For example, you may notice that you usually sink into comparison and self-hatred when people compare you with your siblings. Or when you’re compared with others who graduated from your field and have had great “success”.

In this case, you need to choose to stop being affected by other people’s opinions of you.
If this is a genuine struggle for you, I recommend you read the book “Dealing with the rejection and praise of man”. Then pray for freedom and take necessary actions to stop the comparison.

Start by looking at what the bible says about comparison.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.
2 Corinthians 10:12

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3

Then ask yourself, what are some new patterns I can create? What are the new habits I can form because of this constant pressure?

For example, you can take each moment you’re tempted to compare yourself to your sibling, to actually pray for them.

Build that habit.
Begin to pray for each person you are compared with by others or within yourself.
Bless them.
Genuinely.

Over time that you will begin to see them from God’s perspective. To love them more genuinely as you pray, leaving less room for comparison and jealousy.

So the next time you sense that drip of time slipping through your fingertips, ask yourself what you did with your “today”.

If you are simply living life assuming that the “you” that currently is, is the best version of you, you are horribly wrong.

You always have much room to grow and there is always a way to do it.

You are never stuck with your current habits and hangups.

If you choose to change, you will.

If you choose to remain the same and use complaints or excuses to console yourself about why you are “the way you are”, you will never change.

So today, I challenge you to get a strong foundation for your life and values. Evaluate yourself -honestly- and see the areas you need to grow and change.
Then practice virtue and begin to create that change inside of you by deciding on and strengthening your core values, getting the information you need and changing your patterns and habits to reflect all this.

If you are in debt and want to add value to yourself by becoming debt-free, register for my free Masterclass Webinar on 4 Things You Need To Do Today To Get Out Of Debt In Canada, I would love to see you in there!

Also, this blog is a continuation of our original discussion on The Remarkable Value of Time and 4 Ways to Avoid Wasting It! So if you haven’t read that portion of the discussion, go ahead, read it and leave a comment!

LET’S TALK.

What are some value systems that have previously held you back from your life’s goals?
What are some values that you have lived with simply because people around you have taught you to do so?
What are some habits that have been destructive in your life?
What can do you to begin to change them?
What are core values that reflect what you want to be said of you when you die? How do you plan on making sure you live out those core values?


3 Reasons Sacrifice is Necessary To Fulfill Your Destiny (Part 2)

3 Reasons Sacrifice Is Necessary To Fulfill Your Destiny.

necessity of sacrifice 3 reasons

  1. You NEED Sacrifice To Stay Humble

You may think sacrifice is what you are doing for God, but it is what keeps you humble. When you are given a task to do that is completely above your capabilities, it causes you to see God’s strength made perfect in your weakness.

Sacrifices keep you carrying the cross. They keep you in Gethsemane praying alongside Jesus Christ. Keeps you dependent and closely knitted to our Father in heaven.

They remind you that you are a bondservant. A betrothed bride. That you are on a mission that is bigger than what you can see.

Sacrifices remind you of the absolute worthiness of the One you live for!

When people see the way that you live for the sake of God’s glory, you give them a small glimpse of His worth.

That Day At York University

I remember when I was in University, I would play my djembe (african hand drum) in Vari Hall. Varih Hall was then a huge open circular rotunda with 4 levels of hallways overlooking the center ground floor area, large classrooms and plenty space for sitting and chilling. It was always bustling with students rushing to and from classes, food breaks, or simply traveling from one part of the University to another.

In that hub of activity, I would play my drum and share the gospel of Jesus Christ through freestyle spoken word to the rhythm of the beat.
Scriptures, encouragement and stories of who He was and what He’s done.

One day a guy who had previously visited my church a couple of times saw me. He slowly came beside me, faced slightly away from me and while trying to act like he wasn’t really talking to me, said “Toyin, what are you doing here?!”
I responded, “Talking about God”.
He said, “Yea I know, but this is embarrassing. Like why are you doing it? Why are you out here embarrassing yourself like this?”
“Because He gave His life for me and this is the least I can do, is share about Him with other people. He’s worth it to me!”

He then mumbled “I don’t know oh, it looks like the way you see God is really different from the way I see Him. I would never have considered doing something like this, maybe there’s something I’m missing about Him… ”
To which I said “Maybe there is” and continued sharing with the crowd of students walking past as he walked away and joined them.

He may have completely forgotten about that conversation as soon as he entered his class, or he may have mulled on that little bit of sacrifice some more, asking God what about Him caused someone to give up their comfort, reputation for being cool ;) -I wish- and anonymity in order to share about Him. That day, he was reminded of the worthiness of God.

But it’s not just about others, the sacrifices you make remind you that He is altogether worthy of your entire life. A God who loves you and gave more than you’ll ever be able to repay. Who went through much more than you can understand.

  1. Sacrifice Keeps Your Passion Alive

Without sacrifice, you would become a nominal christian. You become like everyone else who just wants to live a good and comfortable life. Go to church and still only live for self.

We are fed comfort in the West on a level above anywhere else in the world. From fast food to appliances and gadgets that do everything for you.

We live in a “free” country where you are rarely persecuted for worship or sharing the gospel (though I know many who have been). So what are you really giving? If all He’s asking you to do for the sake of the gospel is a few extra hours in sharing the gospel, or bible study or working with a focus and purpose, why is that so difficult?

What if He’s asking you to work two jobs for the sole purpose of not only covering your bills, but supporting a missionary or sponsoring children in another country? What if it’s calling you to a tour training His body across your nation politically at the same time as other deadlines (preaching to myself), why is that such a big deal?

You need sacrifice if you want to stay passionate in the West. You have to challenge yourself. If you want to simply cruise, what’s the value of being SAVED?

What’s the point of having relationship with the only Being that is able to FIX all the problems in our world and keeping Him to yourself?!

If you stop pushing yourself to make sacrifices for His sake and give in to complaint, your passion and zeal will die. Sacrifice fuels zeal if you let it. If you allow it to ignite complaint, it will take you to the opposite direction.

King David replied to Ornan, “No, I insist on buying it for top price. I will not offer to the Lord what belongs to you or offer a burnt sacrifice that cost me nothing.
1 Chron 21:24

And again

But the king said to Araunah, “No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing.” So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.
2 Sam 24:24

  1. Making Sacrifices Teaches You That You Are More Capable Than You Think!

Many people do not know this, but God has built you to be much more capable of working, thinking and being than you think or allow yourself to be. If you see yourself as a grasshopper, you will operate as such. You may still do a very few big things but you would always be afraid of being crushed.

If only you knew that God could have asked you to do much more than what you currently have on your plate and you would get it done if you had the right perspective.

When you recognize that the Spirit of the living God lives in you. You will not be afraid. You will not constantly be overwhelmed, burdened, sad, discouraged or depressed. You will walk with confidence into the fullness of what God has called you to do.

You will finish the projects and dreams before you one after the other and when you look back you will be absolutely surprised by how much you have been able to accomplish!

Like one of my life coaching clients once said –

“I never thought I would be able to live out some of my dreams. I’ve learned so much about who Jesus is, been connected to a community/family that genuinely love and pursue Christ, my prayer and devotional life has grown tremendously and since then, I’ve written a book, participated in worship albums and helped others plan and launch their own arts projects and special events.

I’ve helped establish and maintain a non-profit organization, established my own corporation, and served with ministries that are making great impact in Canada and around the world.

My heart has grown so much for my own city to be a culture that honours and upholds God’s principles. There are so many things that I’ve only daydreamed about in the past and now have had opportunity to do on a consistent basis, it’s too long of a list to write.

I could not imagine ever doing any of these things on my own. I am so grateful for a chance to be a part of something like this. It was the catalyst I needed to jump-start my life in a greater way.”

This is not just a testimony of my life coaching program but a testimony of what can happen when a person is willing to MAKE SACRIFICES.

Did you notice that all the ACTION came after her prayer and devotional life had grown tremendously? When you get close to God, He sends you out. Isaiah 6.

Also, what she said here didn’t happen overnight and it certainly didn’t happen while she slept or watched TV with all her spare time.
It took her hard work, sacrifices and willingness to challenge herself physically, career wise, mentally and emotionally.
It took her getting uncomfortable, getting the coaching she needed and actually applying what she learned in her service to God.

Now back to you-

The reason these 3 things are necessary for you to fulfill destiny is because unlike what you may think, that your destiny will simply fall into your lap. “Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.”

Your choices today will determine your fruit tomorrow.

God has a good plan for you. But you must agree with it. You must do the very things you think you are incapable of. Remain passionate and zealous about His will being fulfilled through your life. And finally, you must remain humble or you will self-destruct.

Too many Christians sing “I give myself away” and inwardly add, 'as long as it doesn't become inconvenient'.Click To Tweet

Let’s stop fighting for comfort while wishing for impact!

everyone wants a miracle necessity of sacrifice

I can just hear Abba say – COME ON FRIENDS! COME ON!

Wherever you have cooled down in making sacrifices for the sake of comfort, to be normal, just like everyone else, I challenge you to up the ante again.

If God is telling you to wake up early or stay up late to spend time with Him, do it.
If He is saying to give up a certain amount of recreation, so that you can spend that time with Him, do it.
If He’s telling you to drop that sinful relationship you have been going back to over and over, do it.
If He’s saying to choose the career path He is calling you to and not the one everyone else is expecting from you, change it!

There are things God wants you to do for the sake of generations that are coming after you.

Are you cutting back where He did not tell you to?
Are you taking on things He did not send you to?

There is a cup for you to drink. It is “knowing him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death”.

Some of you may be asking-

How Do I Recharge When I Feel Overwhelmed By The Work/Pressure?

Change your perspective. Stop letting the stress carry your emotions all over the place.

Pray (ask God for help, grace and strength)
Rest (we’ll talk about how to rest well in another blog)
Review (is everything on your plate supposed to be there?)
Recharge (read the word, play games, start afresh)
Don’t Quit (if you don’t quit, you will win!)

CONCLUSION

How many God ideas have you let die unfulfilled or half-baked? This is not a call for you to pick things back up unnecessarily. This is a time to get clear on what God is asking you to do right now.

To run focused with what you know are your current assignment(s).
An encouragement for you to do whatever you are doing well.
This is a call to pick up your cross.
To follow Jesus Christ in laying down your comfort and self-created plans.

My prayer is that you will do what God is calling you to. Make sacrifices where He asks with joy and hope in your heart. Knowing that God is worthy of our demonstrated love!

Let’s talk

What stood out to you from our discussion on making sacrifices?
Why is sacrifice essential to fulfilling your destiny?
What is the joy that is set before you?


The Necessity of Sacrifice in Fulfilling Your Destiny – Part 1

Recently we spoke about the reality of Jesus’ sacrifice spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally both when He was alive and in His death.

I believe that God is looking for people who will be willing to press through the pressure and become living sacrifices, just like His Son.

However, making sacrifices can be done well or it can be totally futile (ask Cain) so today we are going to unpack the how, why and what of living your life as a sacrifice to God. Motives, how to make sure your sacrifice counts and finally, the necessity of sacrifice in fulfilling your destiny and purpose!

necessity of sacrifice in fulfilling destiny

THE MOTIVE OF YOUR SACRIFICE

When we speak of making sacrifices for the sake of God’s glory there are some distinctions that need to be made.

First of all, making sacrifices doesn’t earn you salvation. It doesn’t even earn you God’s love.

Why?

Salvation can only come through faith in the sacrifice and work of Jesus Christ. His sacrifice is and was enough.
Also, God loved you completely before you did ever anything for Him. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more.

So what is the motive for making sacrifices?

Sacrifice is meant to come out of a heart of love. An overwhelming response to all that God did for you through Jesus Christ. A recognition that nothing you do will ever equal His level of sacrificial giving. Just like He so loved the world that He GAVE, you so love Him and others that you GIVE what He asks when He asks it.

I heard this on the radio this week –

necessity of sacrifice

Be sure of this, your obedience matters to Him.

Sacrifice begins with surrender.

Some people think that just because they are working hard and giving things up, they are making a sacrifice that is worthy of great reward. And while they may have temporary success from these sacrifices, they miss out on receiving eternal, lasting and the most fulfilling rewards you can get from making sacrifices.

Why? Because if that sacrifice isn’t being done because of the call or leadership of God in your life, it is essentially done for your own glory.

And guess what?

Hustling for self glory is simply self-promotion. It may produce temporary success but will not have lasting fruit.Click To Tweet

Sure it’s hard work and you’re giving things up, but if it is not in the will of God for your life, all that work will be burned away when you die (1 Cor 3:11-15). The only thing that will matter in eternity are the things you did, according to His will and for His glory.

Necessity of sacrifice, we are God's workmanship

This means there is a work that God has prepared for you to do.

Obedience Looks Like Something

If obedience to God’s directives is what matters it means that making a sacrifice can look different in different seasons.

For example, at one point, He may ask you to sit down to spend time with Him primarily focused on prayer, fasting and worship – I mean investing hours each day. And that can be difficult to do while it seems like everyone else is busy “making moves” in life.

Then there will be other seasons where He desires that you take action. Where He wants to use YOU as the answer to the prayers you’ve been praying. Seasons where He asks you to run with one or a few things that will further His kingdom on the earth.

It could be business, family, ministry, service, career, schooling or any other thing. It is never meant to take the place of seeking God in private prayer, but it is work.

Are there things that you are holding on to for comfort and security. Are there assignments that God has been calling you to do? Or are you currently working in your purpose and ministry but feeling tired and weighed down? You have to remember…

Sacrifice Means Work.

If God has given you something to do and you pray into it, and REALLy want it to happen with all your heart but do not make the sacrifice required, it will not happen!

necessity of sacrifice, jesus took action

Prayer and intercession are crucial to fulfilling your destiny. But if Jesus only prayed at Gethsemane – “Father, let Your will be done” and didn’t take action – carried his physical cross and got killed on it, we would not be saved today.

Remember He had the option to opt-out.

“Or do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide Me with more than twelve legions of angels?”…
Jesus.

He had the power to stop everything. With each lash, with each step, He could have said, I’m done. It’s over. But He waited until He had fully drunk from the cup of God’s wrath. Until He was about to die and then He said –

“It is finished”.

Like He said,
“My food is to do the will of the one who sent me and to complete his work.”

If Jesus did not go through until the end it would have been a God plan, a perfect and good idea that died unfulfilled.

We must be willing to partner with Jesus in the prayer, surrender and finally in the follow through – work.

 

Others Can, You Cannot.

Other people may want to just cruise through life. Take the easy road.
Get saved.
Take care of their family only.
Work a good career.
Die and go to heaven.

But you need to be willing to seek God’s fullness for your life, then figure out how to actually live it out. Take the time to ask questions, sit back, pray hard, listen, then move.

Have you been waiting on a series of miracles to inform you of the work you are called to do?
Sometimes you simply have to sit down , use the amazingly creative brain God has given you and just THINK!

Think about where you have been called to. Who you have been called to impact.
Set short, mid and long term goals for how you want to do it.
Plan the actions you must take to hit the goals you have set.
Don’t just wait for the supernatural to push you where you need to go.

God will do His part. He will direct you, show you what He has put inside of you and confirm that you are on the right track or adjust your sails… while you go.

But He will not do your part.

He will not take control of your calendar and help you schedule your activities.
He will not force your brain to think of the inventions that He has placed inside of you.
He will not write your book for you and drop it on your lap while you sleep.

You need to allow God to challenge you. Ask Him what He expects of you.

Then push! Plan! Get help where you need it, and GET IT DONE!

 

Sacrifice Means Completion.

What work has God asked you to do? Are you completing it or do you just start and stop? When you get started, do you actually finish?

Can you imagine if Jesus dropped the cross as they climbed the hill in Calvary and said,
“Sorry guys, I’ve changed my mind. This is actually way too hard for me. God, please find someone else.”

Can you really imagine that?!!

Yet we do it all the time. We start doing what He says, then when it feels unbearably hard, we give in to our flesh and call it quits. Reread that hypothetical sentence and ask yourself whether you’ve been saying a variation of that in an area of your calling.

Yes, these seasons of work can cause you to feel tired. Overwhelmed. Or like it’s impossible for you to do what He’s saying but guess what?

Remember, if you could do it in your own strength, you wouldn’t NEED God.

Within The Process

The heart behind the action is as important as the action itself.
It’s not enough to simply say “ I did it”.

During that pressing season I spoke of in my last blog, I was thinking to myself ‘God, do you see how hard I’m working?”.

And His response was “Do you think doing the action and checking it off the list is what I’m looking for? I see the heart behind it. Jesus did not go to the cross complaining. He went joyfully. He wasn’t laughing, but he was at peace in the sacrifice. I care about the process not just the result.”

The breakthrough will come but God will ask you how you carried yourself in the process. Were you afraid or did you believe? What did you look like during the pressure? Did you give up or push with the Lord?

Did you take matters into your own hands? Were you consistently stressed or did you choose to have faith and acknowledge your tired state but trust Him to bring you through?

Jesus was willing to endure the cross “for the joy set before Him”. Because He knew what it would do for those He loved.
What is the joy that is set before you?
Why are you doing all you are doing?
What is the bigger picture your life is pushing for?
Why are you making the sacrifices you are making?

When you have a clear picture of your WHY, it will enable you to stay joyful during the pressure moments. It will help keep the bitterness and complaint out. After all, being a living sacrifice is only a reasonable service.

Sacrifice – A Reasonable Service

You may have been feeling as though you are sacrificing so much for the sake of your ________ (church, family, friends etc). Like you are the only one bringing something to the table and wondering where everyone else is and why they aren’t giving as much. Thinking you are the only prophet of God left in the land like Elijah did. Or that you invented sacrifice.

However, when you agree with this perspective, that is when your sacrifice becomes a double burden. The hard work it requires of you as well as the heavy weight of offense and bitterness that builds inside.

necessity of sacrifice reasonable service romans 12:1

Being a sacrifice is a reasonable service. It’s not even something to boast about. It is the only reasonable thing to do when you receive a gift as encompassing as salvation.

It doesn't matter how many others are not pulling their weight. YOU give it 100! It is for God not for men.Click To Tweet

If you’ve ever sung the song “I am a friend of God” by Israel Houghton, you need to live it. And guess what? Jesus said He does call you a friend and that specifically if you do what He commands you to do.

“You are my friends if you do what I command.”
John 15:14

If you are a friend of God, then there is no better way to show Him that you love him than to lay your life down for Him. Yes, it is a sacrifice. Yes it is hard. He understands and He did it too. For you. While you still hated him.

Click here for 3 reasons sacrifice is necessary to fulfill your destiny.

 let’s talk

What are you going to change either about your thought life or actions because you read this blog?
What is the bigger picture your life is pushing for?
Why are you making the sacrifices you are making?


What You Need To Know About Jesus’ Life Of Sacrifice

Pressure.

I have been feeling a lot of pressure for the last few weeks due to organizing our cross country tour and a huge concert as well as working to meet some of my major business deadlines for this year. All of those demands, including the daily pressures of being a wife, mom and coach to many created the perfect storm this month.

Last week especially, I began to complain inwardly about how much I was sacrificing while doing the things God had called me to do. I was careful not to speak about it much, but my mind was having a field day reminding myself of how much was “on my plate” and all the other things I would like to do with my time –

Like sit on the beach, legs crossed, listening to worship music and reading one of my favourite books on the planet although that book would probably have my face in the sand praying and crying out for the city that beach is in ;)

I allowed myself to become overwhelmed, became sluggish about my output and gave in to lies that had been playing themselves over in my mind. Lies about my inability to finish all that was left for me to do, on time.

But God!

I would’ve continued down this path and wasted the entire month working with a sour heart if it wasn’t for God’s graaaace and mercy!

I was in a prayer meeting at church this week where my Pastor spoke on the values of godly leadership and Jesus began to rock and challenge me with the example of His life and leadership.

He reminded me that pressure and sacrifice are necessary parts in fulfilling destiny and also, that He sacrificed more through His life than I could ever try to match. 

Pressure and sacrifice are necessary parts in fulfilling your destiny. Don’t run away from the pressure, embrace it. Learn to thrive!Click To Tweet

What He said during that time was more than one blog can handle so I will share it in three parts.

Today, we are going to talk about what you need to know about Jesus’ life of sacrifice and in parts two and three, I will share with you “The Necessity of Sacrifice In Fulfilling Your Destiny”.

Now I know many of you want to hear about the necessity of sacrifice in fulfilling your destiny (which will explain how this relates to you). However, you will not be able to receive what I will say there without the foundation that is being laid in this blog, so read on, and pay attention.

 

Jesus' sacrifice

God values sacrifice.

How can I make that statement? When God wanted to show us the express image of Himself, what He would do and look like on the earth, He showed us His son Jesus Christ.

One of the distinguishing factors of Jesus’ life was His willingness to sacrifice – over and over and over again. This is exactly where Abba began to deal with me and where we will start today.

Jesus Christ made more sacrifices
than our minds can even understand.
He didn’t just talk the talk, He walked it.

Jesus’ Sacrifice in – Incarnation

It all began when He chose to leave His rights and privileges as Deity. The second part of the Trinity. The son of God, glorious in holiness and fearful in praises.

He became a man and laid aside the fullness of His glory to wear this frail, broken finite skin.

Think about the glory of Jesus when John saw him in the first chapter of Revelation. Or the time when Peter, James and John saw Him transfigured on the mountain.

Both times, they were so overwhelmed by the Jesus they saw, they fell to the ground. That was a tiny glimpse of the glory He chose to lay aside for the sake of the work He had to do on earth.

Jesus’ Sacrifice in – How He lived

During his life, He made it very clear that He did nothing for Himself. Instead, He lived in such a way that God would get the maximum glory through His life.

…”My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work”…

And then

…”the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner”…

Let’s look at one day in the life of Christ to understand just how much He gave of Himself.

In Mark 1, He began His ministry in Galilee, and after preaching, He had to choose disciples – think of this as the administrative part of ministry work ;-). Then they went to the synagogue.

There, He immediately entered the task of teaching the scripture to the people who  were present. That alone was so powerful that all the people who were in the house were shocked by His authority.

While teaching, someone who was oppressed by an unclean spirit spoke up. So He did what you would imagine, He set him free from that spirit, and kept on teaching. No biggie.

After that, he visited Peter’s house and before Peter’s mother-in-law could serve them, He healed her of a fever that had her on a sick bed.

“That evening, they brought to Him ALL who were sick and those who were demon possessed. And the whole city was gathered together at the door. Then He healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons.” [Emphasis added]

Hm. Ok, let’s picture this scene guys. This wasn’t a placid crowd of observers casually stopping by to greet a new visitor in their town.

They were hungry, broken, sick, desperate and demanded His time. They needed healing and the more He healed the more they grew in numbers, the hungrier they became and the more they required of Him.

And still He gave.

He poured out everything He had and more. Not one complaint, not one murmur.

He had the most dejected members of the city rammed at his doorstep begging to have an opportunity to see/touch/hear the one who could (and still can) heal any disease.

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed. And Simon and those who were with Him searched for Him. When they found Him, they said to Him, “Everyone is looking for You.” [Emphasis added]

You would imagine that the crowd at that house kept him up until pretty late in the night, yet he made the sacrifice to wake up early and seek God, speak to His Father and see what He had planned for them for the next day.

But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.” And He was preaching in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and casting out demons.

Now imagine, just as things were getting hot. Just as He was becoming the latest craze, He left.

He wasn’t there for fame. He shunned the honour of men, the flattery “everyone is looking for you” fell on ears that were already in tune with God’s voice over men’s opinions.

He sacrificed the tempting flattery of being needed to obey God’s call and go where He was sending Him.

And this picture of His day wasn’t a one-off occasion. It was what He did. Peter later said this of Him,

what you need to know about jesus sacrifice

Jesus’ Sacrifice in – His Death

And as if all that is not enough, He didn’t just live a sacrificial life because of love, He died a sacrificial death. 

Until today, the death of Jesus Christ is still the most powerful portrayal of an ultimate sacrifice. What a person is willing to do for the sake of those He loves- God the Father and us sinners.

So let’s take a peek into His sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Matthew 26:36-41

Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.”

And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”

He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.” And He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy.

So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. Then He came to His disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting?

Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.” [Emphasis added]

You have to understand-

Jesus is fully God, but He is also fully human. Even in His perfect human nature, he struggled with accepting the separation from God, torture and shame that was waiting for Him at the cross.

He was about to drink the cup of God’s wrath for all of humanity and it was not a trivial thing.

When He prayed “Let this cup pass from me,” He was in a battle with His flesh over its desire for self-preservation and comfort. The struggle was real:

Jesus was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death”. In Luke’s version he noted that Jesus was sweating blood- which is a sign of extreme agony .

Jesus Christ knew the sacrifice He was about to make. 

And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. Mark 8:31

It was going to be more than physical; it would be spiritual and emotional.

Jesus knew that God’s will was to crush Him, to allow Him to be “pierced for our transgressions” and wounded for our healing (Isaiah 53:5–10).

Yes Jesus loved God enough to want this, He loved YOU enough to do this.

At another time, He said –

“Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.

Then a voice came from heaven, saying, “I have both glorified it and will glorify it again.” John 12:27-28 [Emphasis added]

Can you imagine that?!

Jesus knew that dying on the cross was the purpose for His coming to this earth and when it was time, He did it. He fulfilled His purpose.Click To Tweet

When He prayed, He said, “If it is possible.” If there was any other way to redeem mankind, He wanted to take that other way. But we can see that there was no other way;

His death was the only possible sacrifice to redeem the world (John 1:29; Acts 4:12; Hebrews 10:14; Revelation 5:9).

Also He prayed, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Which shows us that in the midst of His sacrifice, once again, it was about the will of God. He was completely committed to God – body, mind, and soul.

In Gethsemane, Jesus conquered His flesh. He made the ultimate sacrifice anyone can ever make. He gave His life for the sake of others. He demonstrated what love really looks like.

He lived and died for the sake of love.
And He calls us to do the same.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.

John 15:12-14

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?

In the midst of such a heart-wrenching time of commitment for Christ. A time where He chose to follow God’s path even when it killed Him. He went back to his closest friends – Peter, James and John and found them unable to stay awake for one hour to pray with him.

They weren’t just lazy. When Luke described that moment, he said that they were “sleeping from sorrow”. That means they had wept themselves tired.

Yet, He could not find them waiting and pressing through the pressure with Him.

And the same thing is happening all over the body of Christ today.

Click here to read the next blog in this series, where we talk about the necessity of sacrifice for you to fulfill your destiny and what Jesus’ example means for us.

 

Let’s Talk

What stood out to you from the first part of this series?
Why does Jesus’ sacrifice mean something to you?
What would you add to this discussion about the sacrifices that Jesus made on our behalf?


The Remarkable Value of Time and 4 Ways To Avoid Wasting It!

The busy and the bored.
The Asian and the African.
The Millennial and the Boomer.
The billionaire and the homeless man.
You and I.

What do we all have in common?

Time.

Time is the most valuable resource available to man and we have all been given a piece of it. It’s your greatest wealth. A universal gift equally given to people who will use it wisely and those who won’t. More specifically, we all have 24 hours within each day. No one gets a little extra and no one has been shortchanged.

In this blog you are going to discover the remarkable value of your time and 4 ways you can avoid wasting it!

time is value, don't waste it

 

Value 1. Time Over Money.

Ever heard the phrase “time is money”? Well that’s barely half of the story. Time can be used to produce money but in itself, it is so much more valuable than currency.

Many people think of their assets, houses, cars or bank statements as their most valuable resource, but all of these things can be replenished.

In fact, I’m certain you’ve heard countless stories of people who went from broke to millions [and wish they were related to you ;)]. As well as others who went from millions to broke and are right back where they started.

Money can be earned, spent, invested, multiplied, wasted and maybe just maybe, there is more to spare. But, no one person has that same luxury with time.

ecclesiastes 3:1 seasons and times bible verse

No one can reclaim or re-earn time. It cannot be recycled and refuses to be stalled (with the exception of once in history where God showed Himself as the master of time.)

However, if you’re not Joshua in ~1000BC,
each moment you receive comes once and then it is forever gone.
Finito. Done. Irretrievable.

Value 2. Time Creates.

Time was used to create everything you see.

Your house, car, food and even the relationships you have are all product of time. What about your work, salary or income? Yup, you guessed it, simply a product of time. Even your child is a product of time.

How? It took people time to study and think in order to create all that you see. The raw material would still be untouched if someone didn’t take the time to convert it into a tangible product that is useful for you.

For the period of 9 months, God handcrafted your child and took them patiently step-by-step through each necessary level of development to enable them to survive outside your womb.

Even when God created the very basis and foundation of life on earth, He started by establishing time as a marker for his work.

“In the beginning, God created…”

Before anything else was made (birds, trees, beasts or man), God started the clock of time. It was the very first thing He recorded for us to see! And guess what? After that He continued His work in measurements of time –

“On the first day… On the second day…”

He has given you the exact same raw material you need to function in His image and likeness. He has given you the ability to use time to create anything.

You have to understand this –

If you have time, you can do anything, create anything and become anyone.

Even if you have natural ability in a skill/field, you still require a huge investment of time in order to become an outlier (someone who will stand out in that field). Paraphrased from Malcolm Gladwell.

3. Time Is Life.

You must learn how to convert time into knowledge, materials or products, and value for yourself and others. Because if you don’t know how to master and convert time, you will waste it. And if you waste time, you waste life.

Say what now?

Yep, I’ll say it again.
If you waste your time, you waste your life.

A second becomes a minute
A minute becomes an hour
An hour becomes a day
A day becomes a year
Years are the entirety of your life
The value you place on each second determines the value you place on your life.

So many people figure they’re just wasting a bit of time. One hour, one evening, one week and don’t realize that your life is made up of these smaller fragments of time

Whoever controls your time, controls your life.

For most people, your time is controlled by everything and everyone else but you. From the moment you wake up, you are moved by the tyranny of the urgent. Jumping through hoops with no larger plan and very little accomplished because you are being spread so thin.

Your eyes open up and immediately the wastage begins. Your time gets sucked into Snapchat, Facebook, phone calls, Snapchat, emails, people, people, people, errands, Snapchat, Snapchat, Instagram, blank mind space worrying… friends, family, Snapchat, enemies, problems and challenges. And then Snapchat.

You are driven from the most demanding, to the most enticing, to whatever is dished to you until you are completely wiped out and the day is gone.

Does Church Own Your Time?

*watches and waves as half of our readers walk out of the room*

For many people, church controls your time. Not God, like you would like to think. Religion is in charge of your life. Your time is taken in church activity and tradition but there is no fruit to show for it.

I’m not talking to those who barely go to church and don’t see the value in a church community for growth and accountability in our Christian walk. A Christian community is valuable and necessary for every christian.

I’m speaking to those who think that their life is being fulfilled by living and serving ONLY within those 4 walls without any attempt to put action to their prayers. Or have an impact in the lives of the people in the communities around them, outside of the church. Going to church is great, but are you actually using time to apply what you are learning outside?

How God Uses Time

God is the originator of time. He used time first and He did so masterfully. What was His example to us from the first 7 days of time?

Creation and Rest.

He created the seed necessary for every.single.created thing we see and haven’t yet discovered in the Universe.

He took time to rest.

Now, how can you say that you have given your life (and time) over to this same God and he has you simply sitting in a pew multiple times a week, listening to someone. And then living the rest of your life like everyone else who doesn’t have a relationship with Him?

If God owns your life, if He controls your time, there should be fruit that is birthed from it.

I don’t mean you need to have “accomplished success” on men’s terms, but there must be arenas where you are adding tangible value to yourself and others. There must be something you are adding to this earth. People you are pouring into, knowledge and wisdom you are gaining. Things you are producing.

Look at how much God produced in the first day alone! Much less the 3-6th.

He Rested.

If you say God controls your time but you don’t have a day to rest because you are always working, I humbly disagree. God doesn’t play with time. He doesn’t make light of days and hours. He teaches us to work and also to rest. If you are always on the go, God isn’t in charge of your time, people, projects, or maybe even money is, but not God.

He gives His beloved rest.

You are not just God's work horse, you are a child of His and He takes good care of those who follow His leadership.Click To Tweet

So if you say that God controls your life/time, make sure it is not actually the fear of man, church, old traditions, a pastor or your own perception of religion.

Make sure it is really, God.

Wasters of Time.

Ever had those conversations where someone calls to tell you one thing or ask one question but spends the first 30 minutes greeting you? I’m talking acquaintances, not family or close friends. (And all the Nigerians said mmmmhmm 👀  )

Sometimes, this waste of time is presented as fun, pleasure or friendship. But if you use all your free time to go “have fun”, when do you work? I don’t mean the time you invest into a job or working per hour. I mean the time you invest into creating value in yourself and others.

Most people who waste time don’t realize it. They’re trying to be nice. They don’t want to offend people, so they never say no. Someone calls to speak to them and they cannot let them know they were working on something else. Or getting rest, or simply cannot have that conversation at that time. They must always be a listening ear at all times.

My friend, you are not the Messiah.
It is not your job to solve everyone else’s problems and you cannot do it, even if you tried.

Masters Of Time

Masters of time are productive. And you either are one, or know them. They don’t just plan well, set great goals, or have good character, they fight for every minute of their day. They are purposeful about the use of their time.

The most productive people fight for every minute of their day. They are purposeful about how they use their time.Click To Tweet

They know when to say yes and when the only appropriate response is a big, fat N-O.

They set priorities and fill up their time accordingly.

Have you ever tried to meet with a successful person? Outside of them being your parent or spouse. Do you find them to be completely available for calls at any time of the day (and long-winded conversations at that)? NO.

If you respect their time by sending them concise short emails, keeping your conversations to the point, it means you value their time.

But do you value your own time? Do others value your time?

See, other people will attribute to you, the same exact value you put on your time. If you are a time waster, they will help you to waste it well. If you are a wise woman or man who fights for every minute of your day, they will also respect your time.

But I Don’t Have Time!

Now I can already hear you thinking, “this is all well and good but Toyin, my problem is I don’t have time!” And this is where I’m going to be that friend that rains on your pity party and points out that you do in fact, have time.

You have a whopping 168 hours every week!!

That means that even if you work a full-time job, and then factor in eating, hygiene and sleeping you still have at least 40 hours each week that belongs completely to you, to do with as you please.

So here’s the truth – You have enough time to do anything that matters. But you only enjoy the time you have been given if you discipline yourself to understand and become a master of your own time. Which leads me to my last point-

Why I Have Never Owned A TV

I remember when I was younger, myself and my sisters spent quite a lot of time watching the television (owned by my parents, hence the title of this section :-P) lol. My dad would often walk into the living room and say – “stop watching other people live, go do something that will cause others to watch you. Instead of watching TV, get on TV.“

Some of you are smiling because that is such a Nigerian parent thing to say (it is).
And it worked.

I took his advice and stopped wasting my time watching the TV. Since then I have been featured on TV numerous times and guess what? After I moved out of my parent’s place and since I’ve been married, I have not yet owned a TV. Not because there is anything wrong with it, but because I know that if I did, it would be my kryptonite. My number one time (life) waster.

Now, don’t all go selling your TV’s on Kijiji (many of you just thought “YEA RIGHT, like I was going to do that”) lol. You do not have to do what I did, but you should be determined to deal with whatever is taking up the majority of your time outside of purposeful living.

If you don’t know where to start, I am about to share with you 4 secrets I use to avoid wasting time (apart from having a TV-less home).

4 Ways To Avoid Wasting Time!

1. Learn to say NO.

If you say no to the wrong things, you will have the capacity to say YES to the things that matter most.

Have priorities!

  • Prioritize what relationships and friendships you want to develop so that you are saying yes to them. Time management doesn’t mean you don’t spend time with people, it means, you spend time where it matters most. Remember, it is a very limited resource.

Do you tend to go out all the time?

  • Here’s a liberating truth – you do not have to attend every social gathering or be in every conference, concert or chill session. You just don’t have to be there. Yes they’ll miss you. Yes you’ll miss them, but generations will be grateful that you chose to take control of your life and produce something valuable with it instead. When it’s time to rest, do so, when it’s time to have fun, go out. But if you are going out every single weekend and using all your spare time at “meet-ups” you need to sit back and think hard about where you’re trying to go.

But I have ministry to do…

  • My father once told me, “there will always be ministry work to do”. So you think you are the only one available to do everything under the sun but when you die, ministry will continue. When you are behind on God’s plan for you and trying to catch up, that ministry will look you square in the face with nothing to offer you but an excuse.
  • Like we said in point one, focus in on your priorities and only do the things that God is leading you to do because the need will always be greater than your capacity.

2. Phones, oh Lord, our phones

Here are some tips I use to be productive despite the constant temptation of my phone.

  • Charge your phone in a different room from where you sleep so that when you wake up, you can greet God, your loved ones and read a bit of the Word before you even get tempted to catch up on what happened in the world, overnight.
  • Put your phone on airplane mode – plug yourself out of the noise and focus in on what work you need to do. When it’s time to rest or take a break, you can catch up on all that happened in the world during your 2 hours of focused living ;)
  • Instead of making phone calls, send a text message, or an email. It will be much more direct and save you and the recipient tons of time. If it’s a relationship you want to build or if you need to make calls for your business etc, go ahead and speak to them directly, just don’t make calls for everything and with everyone.
  • Remember that this disconnect from your phone is to allow you to connect in real life with those friends and family members you value the most.

3. What if you can’t afford to get off social media?

  • Social media can be a great tool or it can be one of the greatest time wasters of your life. In order to utilize it properly, you have to know exactly why you came on and exactly why you cannot afford to stay on beyond that. I am still learning on this point, but I refuse to give my most precious resource (time) to living in a virtual space.
  • If you work with Social Media but find yourself getting lost on Facebook, here’s a Google Chrome Extension that has boosted my productivity and “get off Facebook” time by 8,000% lol – Kill News Feed. It literally stops you from seeing everyone else’s posts so that you can get on, engage with the exact people/groups you want to, then get off and live life. Guys, this free download SAVED. MY. LIFE! lolol

4. Daily/Weekly Schedule

Even if you are filling in your days with “nothing” like Homer, (those would be your Sabbath rest days *wink wink*), you need a written plan of action for your days and weeks.

  • Your daily schedule can change in different seasons, and you may not follow it perfectly. But if you submit yourself to a schedule that is targeted at your life’s greater purpose at all times, you will hit the mark MUCH more than you would without it.

 BONUS TIP 5 – This one is for my friends who have the lovely app called “Whatsapp”.

Though I can’t answer Isi’s question here about who on earth introduced the Broadcast function to Nigerian parent’s [I almost cried from laughter at her post btw], I can say this –

You are by no means obligated to read through every story that is sent to you, watch each video or click on each link.
  • There are some messages you get that will enhance your day, but a majority of them are simply clutter and information overload for your mind.
  • Now, I periodically send messages to a group of friends on Whatsapp and I recently sent a video of myself and my 11 month old daughter singing and playing the djembe. While I was really glad about all the people we gave a smile, I was also pleasantly surprised by this response I received –

  • <<—- That screenshot has me cheering YES! all over again. Because despite my great intentions, if it is a distraction from something productive that you are doing, it’s better to pay me no mind and check it out when you can.
  • Sometimes you may have to block those who send consistent spam if you ask them to take you off their broadcast list and they don’t bother.
  • Lastly, no, you are not CNN. Don’t be the one sending daily news updates and forwarded messages from 10 years ago. It may be tempting, but just, say, no. 

 


Conclusion

Fight to regain your seconds.
Fight to become a master of time.
Remember, the seconds will become minutes, the minutes will become hours, the hours, days and years will eventually produce the outcome or fruit of your life.

psalm 90:12 teach us to number our days

If you are trying to use your time to get tangible results in New Year’s goals or resolutions, check out this blog to make sure you’re doing them right. Also, get on our email list so that you do not miss our next blog, the 4 Most Valuable Things You Should Be Doing With Your Time.

If you are in debt and want to use one hour of your time to gain valuable information that will help you become debt-free, I invite you to join me in my free Masterclass Webinar on 4 Things You Need To Do Today To Get Out Of Debt In Canada. Click on that link to register today.

If you would like to speak to me regarding my Life Coaching services, schedule a Purpose call or email me at toyin@toyindada dot com – one word :)


Let’s Talk!

Share with me! What stood out to you from this blog? What takes up the MOST of your time every week (apart from sleep)? Is it in line with your overall life’s vision? What is your biggest time waster? How can you deal with it?


Why Excuses Are Your Greatest Enemy of Progress – Are you an Excuse Giver? Take the quiz.

This blog is not for the easily offended. In it, I hold no punches. So if you’re up for some serious self-reflection and improvement, take a deep breath and dive into our discussion on excuses and those who give them.

Excuse giver QUIZ

“Oh sorry, I was late because – ”
“I didn’t practice because – ”
“I haven’t yet finished because – ”
“I wasn’t there because – ”
“I didn’t study because – “

Sound familiar?

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who achieve success and those who give excuses. Excuses don’t make money, progress or anything else in fact.

Excuses are tools of the incompetent
used to build monuments to nothing.
Those who specialize in them
will never be good at anything else.
–Anonymous

The sad part is that those who give excuses think they are on the road to progress. They simply don’t understand why things haven’t been working for them over the years.

They usually do not see what so many around them painfully cannot ignore, their habit of giving excuses. There is always a reason for their inability to make decisions or follow through on commitments.

Excuse givers are so stuck in their habit that over the years, I (and probably others) can notice them, predict the areas and ways they will always disappoint and see it happen. It is like clockwork. It is almost impossible to help or correct an excuse giver because guess what? They will give you an excuse for whatever flaws you show them.

So I decided to write this blog to give you an opportunity to take a quiz. A character examination if you will, and figure out if you are an excuse giver yourself.

This quiz will help you determine whether you have been passing up opportunities and great personal advancement because of this huge but hidden flaw in your own character. But before you take the quiz, let’s look at some symptoms of excuse givers.

Symptoms of “Excuse Givers”

Blame others/circumstances/childhood

Excuse givers blame everyone and everything else for their lack of progress. They are never wrong, but always correct. They wonder why people cannot just see things from their perspective every time. If they did not follow through on a commitment, it is never their fault. Their dog ate their homework. Their mother did not raise them in the best way. Their father left them when they were young.

Here’s a story my father once shared of two men who were raised by an alcoholic and abusive father. One of the men became a greatly successful career man with a strong family. He loved his wife dearly, and took amazing care of his children.

His brother, became an alcoholic and even more abusive than his father. He mistreated everyone around him and could never seem to get anywhere in life.

One day someone asked this man why he is so destructive to himself and others around him. His response was, “My upbringing. I had a father who abused me, my brother and mother. He was an alcoholic and unprincipled man who did not teach me what it looks like to be a loving father or achieve anything in life. I am who I am because of my father.”

That person also seeing how successful his brother was, went and asked him. How have you been able to achieve so much in the short time you have lived? How do you have a heart to take such care of your family and balance that with such a high level of achievement in your workplace?

His response was,  “My upbringing. I had a father who abused me, my brother and mother. He was an alcoholic and unprincipled man who did not teach me what it looks like to be a loving father or achieve anything in life. So I determined to be a better father to my children and husband to my wife. I determine to love them like Christ and give them what I never had. I am who I am because of my father.”

Same upbringing. Different outcome.

You can use the exact same situation as a crutch for your inability to move forward or develop yourself, or you can use it as a stepping stone. Past hurts can become fuel in your heart to forgive, do better and live your fullest life. Sometimes you do have to take time to recover and heal but too many people choose to spend all, and I mean the entirety of their lives, recovering from the mistakes of the past.

Some people love to be a victim. They embrace it as their identity and do not strive for healing forgiveness and progress. They give excuses constantly of who and what circumstances have restricted them and focus only on those instead of their personal responsibility to rule their decisions, emotions and life.

Lack personal responsibility

Have you ever tried to correct someone who lacks personal responsibility? It can be one of the most frustrating conversations you have. Nothing sticks to them. They may “hear” where they are wrong, but they never accept it. They are always right and the misdoing is deflected to another person or circumstance leaving them free to continue to self-destruct instead of admitting their fault and seeking restoration.

Trying to make good of their words, they give the excuse and expect it to be dropped and left there. Unresolved. So they give excuses like –

“I was late because of my ride or traffic”
“I can’t get out of debt because I don’t have enough money”
“I didn’t study for my exam because I fell sick this week”
“I can’t start a bible study at my workplace or school because I am not ordained”
“I can’t improve myself or find my calling because I don’t have time”
“I can’t share the gospel because I am not an evangelist”
“I don’t pray for healing for people because I haven’t been given the gift of healing”
“I don’t pay tithe because I don’t earn enough”

Lack of improvement

Another way you can determine if you are an excuse giver is if you have not improved on specific issues over the last couple of years. You may have had different people raise up the same topic of correction to you repeatedly, or your workplace, or teachers continue to tell you the same thing.

Generally, you want to examine yourself whenever corrected once, but if you get corrected about the same thing from two or more different people, you need to admit that they may be seeing something inside of you that you simply are not seeing but is there. Then you need to fight to change it.

Stuck in mediocrity

This lack of improvement almost always results in being “stuck” and feeling like they are not doing anything with their lives. They never seem to “get ahead”. They get passed up for opportunities and even when they receive opportunities, things never seem to work out.

They get jobs and lose them – consistently. They get accepted into programs but it just never seems to work. They have a huge list of unfinished projects, and unresolved issues. Which leads to the saddest part of the life of an excuse giver.

They die with regret

This is the saddest part of being an excuse giver. They die with regrets. Not of what they did, but what they didn’t do. Dreams they never fulfilled. Friendships they lost.

They die blaming others for the final product of their lives and waste this short period of time they had, the same time everyone else had not doing anything to impact their generation and make history.

Alright, it’s time for some soul searching. Remember to be totally honest with yourself. Take the quiz below, share your results (if you dare). There’s much more to the story so I’ll see you at the end of the blog *exits the room to give you some privacy*

Take the quiz!

When you're running late you-


How did you do? Did you find your Achilles heel, breath a sign of relief or get charged up to keep making history? Here’s the truth –

Life is hard. For everyone.

If you think that those who are achieving success have it easier or better than you, you are greatly deceived. It is easy to see the moments of glory in another person’s life, but you need to know they had to fight through something to get there. NO ONE HAS A PERFECT LIFE!

I grew up in great circumstances, the daughter of a loving father, a pastor, and a hardworking and caring mother. Yet I ended up in a 4 year long destructive relationship, with 2 abortions and $23,000 debt to show for it.

During that season of my life, I failed 5 out of 7 University courses in one year though I had entered University at 16 with a grade average of 92% and had never before then failed one course all my life. And this was just the tip of the iceberg.

I hit rock bottom but that was the exact season and set of circumstances God used to show me His ridiculous love through His son Jesus Christ, save me and give me a passion that drives me every day. Someone may see me today- married to the best husband on the planet, thriving in ministry and career, 4 albums under my belt, countless awards and accomplishments, and say – she doesn’t know what struggle is.

And true, your situation may be different and much more difficult than mine. But I refused to remain a victim. I forgave my ex, forgave myself, became debt free, got my Bachelor of Science and am so much more since then.

And I’m not the only one,

Joyce Meyer was abused mentally, verbally, emotionally, sexually from when she could remember until she was 18 years old. She was raped by her father over 200 times. Yet she overcame that experience and commenced a television ministry that has today become one of the largest Christian ministries of the world.

Its programme ‘Enjoying Everyday Life’ is viewed by more than 4.5 billion viewers and is broadcast in 40 languages on 900 TV and radio stations.

 

Oprah Winfrey was born to an unmarried teenage mother, raised in abject poverty, received her first pair of shoes at the age of 6 and learned to read at age 2½.

She was repeatedly molested by her cousin, uncle and a family friend, eventually ran away from home and unrelated to these, gave birth to a baby boy when she was 14. The baby died after 2 weeks, from complications of being born 2 months premature.

Yet despite all this, she has since become the most successful woman on TV, with a net worth of $2.9 billion and described by Time Magazine as one of the “100 Most Influential People of the 20th Century”.

Albert Einstein didn’t speak for the first three years of his life, and throughout elementary school, many of his teachers thought he was lazy and wouldn’t make anything of himself.

He went on to contribute significantly in the development of our world. His four Annus Mirabilis (‘miracle year’) papers, released in 1905, laid the foundation of modern physics and changed the way we think about space, time, mass, and energy forever.

When Jim Carrey was 15, he had to drop out of school to support his family. His father was an unemployed musician and at a point the entire family lived in a van. But he didn’t let this stop him from achieving his dream of becoming a comedian.

He went from working 8 hours shifts after school at a factory, to performing at a local Yuk Yuk’s in Toronto, to starring in mega-blockbusters and becoming one of the best comedic actors in our time.

Enough proof that your past doesn’t have to determine where you go?
That successful people had a past to overcome themselves?
I think so.

“It doesn't matter if you come from the inner city. People who fail in life are those who find lots of excuses.” Ben CarsonClick To Tweet
Ben Carson – Medical history maker
2008 recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom – America’s highest civilian award.

Back to the Excuse Giver Quiz

If you have noticed that you display at least 2 of these symptoms described above or you got the “Achilles Heel” or “PHEW!” response, you have to decide immediately what you will do with this information. You can shove the conviction away and you will be very successful at that.

The busyness of life will allow you to hide it sure enough, but you may well remember this blog on your dying day, as you look back with regret. Or you can choose to change.

If you want change, here is the one way you can stop being an excuse giver.

It’s simple. Pray for God to change you. Then decide never to give another excuse. Break the habit. The next time you flop, say “I’m sorry” and leave it at that. Despite how unfair it feels not to highlight that it took place because your ride was late. Or you fell sick. Or you didn’t know. Or anything else.

Simply apologize and make it right.

Tell your friends to check you on this and keep you accountable. If your friends can’t correct you because they’re excuse givers too, change your friends. (I mean that). You are who you surround yourself with.

Then whenever next you are corrected, receive it without defending yourself. Go back to your quiet place and ask yourself if that person was right. Really examine yourself without allowing excuses even inside yourself.

When you’ve done that over and over, you will begin to see the areas where your life has been slipping through your fingers. You will become frustrated with the output you have been producing and begin the process of change. You will stop blaming others, take personal responsibility for your life, begin to improve and get yourself out of mediocrity.

You will notice that things begin to shift around you, you begin to receive more opportunities and seem to find more favour than normal.

I’ll let you in on a secret, It’s not just favour. It is reliability. You have become reliable and trustworthy. Someone others can depend on to do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it. Your yes has become your yes. You have stopped being an excuse giver and become a history maker.

If you enjoyed this blog, check out my Get Wisdom courses and subscribe to my email list for more content that will push you to be the best “you” there is!

Your sis,

Toyin

Real moment.

I could not sleep because of this blog. Though I planned on writing about a completely different topic this week, it burned in my mind for hours until I finally gave in, woke up out of bed and typed the whole thing up at an ungodly hour of the morning. I know it is for a specific person and if that person is you, I pray that you are set free from a life of mediocrity and excuses and released into becoming the best “you” there is. Doing what God has called you to, when He calls you to it. Without any regrets when you die.

 

Let’s Talk –

Leave a comment, let us know what stood out to you. Have you previously been an excuse giver? What are you going to change? If you already changed, how did you do it? What do you think of excuses?